Early days, post-BD, I did EVERYTHING her way. And, now, I’m almost 100% back to my way again.
What do you mean "her way" and "your way"?
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It has become a million times more difficult to accept petty criticisms from someone who may be cheating on you, than someone who is commited to you.
You make a valid point. It won't be easy, for the fact you suspect she's cheating, and for the fact, you've let her get away with a certain amount of snide remarks under her breath, etc., for a while. Now, your nerves are jumping over every thing said......which works against your ability to determine fairly if she's out of line. Let me ask you, does she criticize you in front of others? Is it more like in everyday interaction, like she's frustrated you don't remember to carry the trash out? It's one thing for her to feel frustration over having to remind/ask you every time. It's quite another if she uses words that are condescending, yelling, cursing, etc. If she's doing that.......then, IMHO, she crosses the line of respect. I mean, I could write forever on this subject and may not hit exactly what you need. Sometimes, a wife can develop unattractive habitual behavior, (and H's do, too), where she can't tell him to pick up his clothes without accusing him of being dim-witted, or worse. If he just brushes it off, then the next time she's going to speak harsher. First thing he knows, she's screaming to the top of her lungs, threatening, cursing, etc. It goes from "petty" to hard core. If the MR is on the rocks, and especially if he suspects her of cheating, then his antenna is on high alert.
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Post-BD, her spewing at the kids when they misbehave has gotten much worse too. I’ve heard her calling them “brats”, “acting like jerks”, or telling them “they are worst behaved people she’s ever met.” She is a yeller too. And, a nasty yeller at that. And, it has gotten worse when it comes out.
Well, it may not be as bad in real life as it sounds on paper, but if it is.........that is verbal abuse. Maybe she needs better parenting and coping skills, but look at the affect it has on the kids. She operates on emotions with everyone, no exceptions. Everything is about her. Maybe she was treated the same way when she was growing up. Here's the thing. As the protector, it's your responsibility to protect those little girls from a mother (or anyone else) who is yelling, name calling, and verbally bashing them. Parents should present a united front, but if she has a wayward mindset, she might not be so cooperative.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
