1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[may22]

What I’m unsure about now, is how to position myself in regard to being the lighthouse but not being his friend. How does that work?

So.... this is a good question and I tossed it around for a couple of hours in the back of my head today. In a nutshell, I agree with Wooba... it is time for some tough love.

I would recommend is being as balanced and kind as possible, while still being firm. The last thing you want to do is to give him any fuel for his narrative of you being unreasonable. You are being perfectly reasonable.. within the context of your H wanting out of your M. You might remind him that he is the one who is asking for this, you aren't going to stop him, but neither do you think it is right or fair for him to take advantage of you. He is the one that wants this. Think of it like you aren't enabling him and/or undercutting his ability to really see what it is like out there on his own. If you scaffold it for him and make it super easy and he still works from home and leaves all his stuff, he isn't really understanding what life would be like in a D scenario. So you're really helping him!

And remember... you are important in all of this too! You need to take care of yourself and heal and he isn't going to help you do that... you need to do it for yourself. So don't feel badly about stating what you need in order for you to be emotionally safe and focused on healing. To me, there comes a point where you aren't really worrying about being the lighthouse for him. You're being the lighthouse for yourself and your children. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and them while he goes on this selfish little adventure. He doesn't need to drag you along. The light is still there and if he opens his eyes he'll be able to see it... but right now, he is too blind. Don't let yourself get caught up in his crazy narrative.