Can I ask my W if she is still seeing the OM. The only confirmation I have is she saw him two weeks ago. First, he cane to her work at a restaurant which she says she couldn't control. (BS!) Then later that night she went to dinner with friends and he went...which she never told me but her friends did.
I have to drive by her work and he was not there tonight (or last Friday...the night he usually goes there). It's entirely possible she sees him other times but I know her best friends have gotten angry with her for continuing. So maybe she has stopped. How am I ever to know? That was my only demand to continue therapy with her; stop seeing him and work on yourself. I don't know if she would tell me. She is the most closed down, depressed, I have ever seen her...and she was always building walls to keep people out before the affair
Asking your WW if she still see's other man is not detachment. It's irrelevant actually. You need to grasp that even if she stops seeing OM1, there will probably be OM2, 3, 4 etc. Until your wife works on herself, OM1,2 99, 100 arent the problem. It's sometimes difficult for LBS to grasp that. Even if she comes running back begging forgiveness tomorrow, it will not be long term.
You also state "my only demand" - please read more posts... you CANNOT control her. again, read the link above.. Your wife will rebel against your demands because she can.
DB is hard - Please read some more posts and all the initial links. We can only offer advice.. But all of the people who post to you have been there / seen it. We aren't a bunch of people who read a few books on divorce and did a crash course of DB - then decided to post about it - each and every person here has experienced what you are going through.
We cant control you, the same way you cant control WW. We just offer advice - based on first hand experience..this forum is your best bet of getting advice on helping YOU.. We advise - you need to put the leg work in though.
Last edited by MrBrside; 03/13/2010:30 PM.
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
