1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[may22]

(((POMMY)))

Glad to hear about all the GALing! That is great and your attitude is terrific. Really proud of you.

FWIW on H wanting to work from home and not taking all his $hit... I'm 100% with you, girl. I went through all these scenarios in my mind if H moved out, and that was just such a hard line for me. If he's making that choice, he loses all the benefit of having you as his wife and partner. Why should you store his $hit for him? Why should you let him work from home? I think our Hs don't realize all the things you do to support them and how their wants/needs get baked into what the family does, because that is how a marriage works. Once someone is done, their partner is no longer obligated to bend over backwards or take their spouse's preferences into consideration, unless it somehow is important for the LBS or the children. But who gives a flying F about the WS? Not me!

I did communicate this to my H (before he decided to end the A) and he also thought I was being unreasonable. But for instance I wouldn't have let him take my kids on a 4 week trip, I wouldn't go with them and pretend we were still a family. Sorry. He could take them for a week max and I'd come get them so it wouldn't screw up his overall trip. I never, ever wavered on this hard line of what would happen if we split. I would NOT BE HIS FRIEND. Maybe down the line at some point, but not anytime soon and maybe never.

Your H should start practicing what it is like out there in the real world. Go to a coffee shop, a co-working space. whatever. Not your problem. The only thing I would be thinking about in your shoes a bit right now is $$, and admittedly i don't know how splitting of marital assets works where you live. But in my state it is all communal so anything H would have spent on an apartment or a storage unit would be basically paid for half by me as well. (Part of my all-consuming anger at the thought of him actually MO... we simply couldn't really afford a second place, so we would all need to cut back in other areas so that he could get his little love nest.)

HUGS, Pommy. You got this. Be strong! I think you'll feel so much better when you have some space to yourself.