He is gaslighting me, but I think he's saying that I am gaslighting him?? What do I do about that??
Oh my sweet wooba. Ex used to do this all the time. The perpetual victim. Possibly the most annoying trait of the addict. My ex would flat out say I was gas-lighting him because I would refuse to acknowledge things that were blatantly untrue. He had a habit of manipulating things that were said or done to make himself look better and everyone else looks worse. Or make himself the victim and every one else was preying upon him in some fashion. This is apparently super common. Supposedly validating their feelings will deescalate. But I had a super hard time and still do saying "Oh I'm sorry you felt that way. That must have been hard for you." When he's completely lying, manipulating what had happened, or taking things out of context. If H flat out accuses you of gas-lighting my suggestion and something that worked for me so I wouldn't have to validate would be "Ok if I'm gas-lighting you, then I guess we need to be done with this conversation for now." And then I'd just walk away. I would absolutely not give him validation for BS. There's only so much you can stand your ground for because they are practically delusional working those mental gymnastics to make themselves the hero and the victim in the story. To them sticking to the story and saying it again and again may burst their little bubble but they'll stick to the lie or manipulation as long as that spin works in their favor. It's an exercise in futility to try to remain defiant unless the end step is walking away.
