What's New? This is new.

[CanBird]

~J~ I did my thing this morning with D3. Told 00 text if you need too; if I dont reply asap I'm busy and the reception isn't great. Not sure what 00 did while he was home alone. I have nothing to hide. While I was doing my thing, I got a concerned text from a friend of 00s. The usual text: havent heard from hom, been trying for months. I did not reply. And sent it to 00.

In the afternoon, I let 00 know what we were doing. While we were running errands at a store, we ran into 00. He was visable uncomfortable being in public; overwhelmed. Lots of people & the potential to run into those that know you. D3 wanted to be with him of course. Glad he didnt ignore us or try and hide. He acted mostly normal with us, but went on his own to finish shopping. We ran into eachother again & he put his one item in the cart & we all went to checkout. He went on his way, D3 wanted to be with him, said he'd see us at home.

He got home shortly after us. We had already had lunch. 00 made his and ate alone. D3 & I headed outside. Eventually 00 joined us & played with D3. It was so normal! I wanted to do yard work; 00 took D3 to a park until dark.. It was great to have a few hours to myself. A little GAL time. Nothing exciting, but I did what I wanted and enjoyed it.

00 text me they were on there way back. D3 was fast asleep & dirty. He brought her in and I took over. At one point he says, in a snarky tone, "what are you two eating? Wheres the food?" I know how to feed my kid. She eats a health version of what I eat. All food groups. And she's 3! She can be fussy! As long as she eats something! NEVER question my parenting. I get SO worked up and defensive. But, I remain calm & answer calmly.

After eats D3 & 00 played. He actually put his phone down which was nice. When he started checking his phone more, I looked to see his activity. He announces he going out to get wine. Usually we have some but had none. As he left, I could hear him outside; the window was open a crack. I kept checking to see if he was online and sure enough, right away. The timing is important here. I shouldn't care. It's obviouly the right time to contact the ow. Bedtime here, morning there. Sadly, I know the time there. Of course I know! Anyway, I can see 00 on & offline a bit while he's gone. Why should I care? Why am I looking! Silly really. It's not a secret anymore.

00 gets back, D3 is in bed. Him & I chatted a bit. Current events in my life, the good stuff. I said how nice it was have time for myself, for D3 to hangout with him & the best part was having her back cause I missed her. This was my way of saying enjoy her hete, cause she's not going to another state with you. PLUS, with this Covid-19 everywhere, I want her here. And how about those travel bans! I'll start a new post for that!

Feeling good at the moment. No more R talk since he got home, in either direction. He's got 2 more "things" to do while here. I know both. One I want him to take care of, as I need to be part of it. The other is on hold, as we agreed.

[CanBird]

~J~ I don't know how you all feel, but I jumped for joy reading the newest travel ban to Europe. That's where other woman is! I'm not 100% sure how this affects 00, but HA HA HA if it does. He cant go there and try to return to the US for his season of work. If he tries to it's really stupid.

[peacetoday]

You are doing well

It wont be easy for him to fly back and forth to OW and D3

and since he cant take D3...
he will have to deal with it...maybe he can feel the loss

some things are difficult and usually when there is so much resistance with doors not opening easily- it is not right either

let him deal with it

[CanBird]

~j~ Have you ever typed your heart & soul out & it disappears? Ugh..I just did that.

Any way... short version now. Don’t read into anything. Zero expectations right? As freaked out as I am about this virus panic, 00 & I have something new in comman. A shared interest? Survival! It's a different vibe in the house. It's nice having him spend SO much time with D3. Nice that I get a break. I want us to do something fun together, but we're not there yet.

After 00 had D3 in the morning, her & I did a GAL thing. 00 had to nap..lol..I think he's really getting how tired taking care of a kid is. D3 has SO much enery. He's never spent this much one-on-one time with her. Maybe it's easier because she's older? I'm just happy it's happening.

I made dinner & we all ate together. Totally treated 00 as if he was the friendly cashier who was hungry but too shy to take the food. "There's plenty! Help yourself!". It was really good & really healthy. I know he enjoyed it, I could see it in his expression. D3 probably ate the most. It was really nice to sit together. We actually sat & talked about current events & other positive things. Zero talk about the "elephant in the room". Zero expectations. Usually you can smell the elephant or feel its presents, but if it was there, it wasn't big, It was tiny.

After dinner routine was normal & nice too. And that's life with kids. Some sort of routine. She's a handful, and I see its tough for him to be patient, but I try to lead by example & do see him mimic my parenting. Its tough, especially when your the parent that's away. I hope he's enjoying his time with D3.

It's very late. I'm up in bed. So is 00. I hear everything, plus he snores. I've stopped checking to see if he's chatting with ow. It doesn't matter. He's here. He's in the house. He's made himself at home, put some of his things out like he did before. It doesn't bother me that he's here. It's good for D3 to see us get along. We DO get along. I'm taking a more mature approch with him; my 180'. This seems to work. The "take charge" woman gets noticed, not the helpless one. I am a strong indepentant woman, I just never took charge of meals/cooking. Not my thing, but if that's what it takes, I will wear an appron!

[kml]

I bet OW is totally anxious about him being there with you .

[CanBird]

~j~ Not really, but we're heading there next week to finalize things.

I knew it was only a matter of time. Wishful thinking on my part things would change. Oh, btw I found out ow/xgf is 10 years younger than him. Good for you old dog. I can't stand him right now. Oh, this stresses me out so much. Whatever.

The rest if the world is shutting down. Good time to start fresh right?

[CanBird]

~J~ I spilled the beans. I finally decided to tell a member of 00s family that he had an affair.

Since we are clearly on the path to no return, D, I'm DONE being super nice & holding back this secret. I needed to vent. I told my step-MIL. It felt good to let it out. I asked 00 if he told any family the truth; his brother & father. 00 said he had, but I knew he was not truthful. My conversation with S-MIL confirmed this. Any ways. Feels good to get it out.

I still can't believe this is happening, but I'm looking at it from a different prespective. Like when someone is in the final stages of dying. You already knew they were sick; health could go either way. Always hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.

Tonight, I probably broke a lot of DB rules. It was hard to act as all of this did'nt bother me


It hurts. But we will be okay

[DnJ]

Good Morning Can

It’s ok you informed H’s family. At some point we all tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they do. It is unsurprising that S-MIL didn’t know or hear about this from H.

Since we are clearly on the path to no return, D, I'm DONE being super nice...

Focus on you and D3. Yes, super nice is not needed, and won’t work. Roommate, friendly - it’s for you.

All the suggestions and advice is for you, to help you. It also can give the best chance at busting this, outlasting this.

You and H may be on the path to D. However a few things to note:

You and H walk separate paths. Everyone walks their own path. We choose to walk beside someone. You and H were never on the “same” path, and you aren’t now. You and H walked side by side for a long time. Choose your path and let H go on his.

The future is unknown and will reveal itself in time. There may be a return. H is maybe on a path to D. He may turn around, he may head off in another direction, who knows. What path are you on?

You path, your choices, make them for you. Leave H to his choices and path; he’s going to make them anyhow, you cannot control that.

Return your focus to you and D3.

Detached roommate. Let go of H.

Ensure your financial security and protection (business side), and keep moving forward.

DnJ

[OwnIt]

Can, I just see this as a sign of you working through the stages of grief. We've had lots of threads on how anger can be helpful to healing. You get to own your truth, even if that means spilling some of his. Gotta live today. Get through today. Tomorrow will come when it comes and bring what it brings.

[CanBird]

I can't take back I spilt the beans... that's weighing on me. But I was sick of 00 being looked at, as this poor lost soul, when really he was hiding an affair!

Besides that, my stress level is sky high.

Covid-19. Feels everything is closing. It's just a matter of time before more severe travel bans are implemented and we'll be shut off from the world.

This would have been a great time for R! In a movie. Tradegy brings people together?

00 has had lots of 1 on 1 with D3. She suggested I come along yesterday, actually said she felt bad I was left behind. Didn't want to go unless we all went. 00 was SO angry. He did not want me along & was going to not take D3. As it ended up, I came & stayed in the shadows and it was fine. I can't believe 00 was SO bent out of shape. D3 said these things on her own. She's smart! And I see she's hurting; can act out a bit when we don't give in.

I feel that sinking feeling again. I fear the struggles ahead. I have no where to go, so this is it. Slowly I will down size what I can in case we do need to move. I dont what the future brings.