I forgot I also wanted to mention something else on my mind this morning re: that year H and I spent apart in college and now. When we became friends again then, he had changed in some ways (music interests, dress, etc.) but not fundamentally, and I do see him going through those same kinds of changes now, which makes me think yeah, yeah, this is another period where he's exploring his identity.
Is this the kind of thing that separates an MLC spouse from a WAS?
For example: He was so alien for six months after BD 1, and when, after the second BD/divorce talk, when he said he'd been pretending to be someone else for a long time and that I wouldn't like who he was now, it was just so clear to me that he didn't like who he was either. From the outside, it appeared he was miserable and angry and trying desperately to feel better.
Now he's less strange, more recognizable in a lot of ways, but still does things that are out of character: after the excessive drinking and partying slowed down in January, I noticed he started having pot edibles around, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's smoking from time to time, something he never did in college. In fact, he kind of looked down on people who *did.* Now, of course, it's no big deal where we live, but I found myself worrying about him today. Worried that he's just traded one kind of self-medicating (alcohol) for another, and... I just want him to get through this without hurting himself.
So I mostly go around feeling like he's living his life and making his own decisions and, you know, whatever. I observe from a distance. I've let myself get a bit closer to his world today. Wondering what it is like inside his head. Hoping and praying he gets to a place of peace within himself. I guess I should remember he probably has many ups and downs like I do, makes some progress within himself, takes two steps back, etc. I shouldn't let this scare me. It is just the nature of the thing.
