Sometimes relationships can be mutually emotionally abusive. Especially between two people with insecurities. It sounds like you are struggling with this question - how much he contributed, and how much you contributed. \
What you can do with the time and space right now is work on yourself. What are the personal issues that are contributing to your role in the conflict? That work on yourself will only benefit you going forward towards becoming more secure. And the more secure you are, the more you can function well even in difficult relationships where the other person has not changed.
What you won't be able to do is instigate change in your H. It sounds like he needs to go through some deep personal work as well for things to change for the better. You have ZERO control over this process. And ultimately it will be up to you to decide how long to stick it out.
Just to be crystal clear, I am not here to judge you or accuse you of anything. I have no idea, and often the labels attached to situations muddy the waters. I'm just giving some food for thought because the questions you struggle with are ones that I have also struggled with.
