To increase your odds. To control yourself and your behavior so the R does not get worse. You can't control the other person, but you can control yourself and how you interact.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
There are no techniques, tricks, or magic bullets that turn these things around. The goal here is to try to become the best version of yourself and that either attracts them back or you find someone better.
The good news is you’re not tricked in to paying money with false promises.
To increase your odds. To control yourself and your behavior so the R does not get worse. You can't control the other person, but you can control yourself and how you interact.
All the things that we instinctively WANT to do (beg, plead, chase, try to reconnect, make romantic gestures, fix everything overnight) are all things that tend to only make one's situation worse. I haven't seen a situation here (in my 10 months on the board) where somebody R'ed after breaking Sandi's rules.
In fact, for most people who come to this forum, things are so bad that you can do almost NOTHING (at least in the short-term) that will turn your WAS back towards the MR. It takes time and space.
For some yes, for others no. In your case, you need to decide if there are things you want to change and then make efforts to change them.
Personal I believe everything happens for a reason and you are in the sitch to learn and grow. You are responsible for 50% of the relationship. There are things in your behavior that got you into this sitch in the first place.
Nothing is black or white. Many shades of grey in between. For example, if you are a talker, learn to be a good listener. If you are typically a listener, then learn to be more vocal. At some point, you will have to use discernment to figure out when it is appropriate to listen or when to talk or when to talk more or when to listen more.
One example out of 1000 behaviors that you can evaluate and decide if you have an opportunity to learn new ways.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Whelp, my wife's concert this weekend is now postponed due to the virus. A class I was taking has been cancelled. So much being cancelled. My brother is getting married in 2 weeks, not sure if that'll get cancelled. Not sure if the kickball league I was going to join will get cancelled. This is going to make things interesting.
This week has definitely been harder than last week. It's definitely been less pleasant than last week. She hasn't done anything mean or been overly critical, it's just been icy cold.
Last week was probably the best week since BD (I guess this is the right abbrev.), but this week, not so much. It's only been a week, so I know this is where patience comes in, but it's hard not to analyze and think it feels like a step back.
I would count on a large group events that put people in close proximity being cancelled--e.g., a kickball league and/or a public wedding. If the wedding's a dozen-person family affair it may be okay.
Time to get working on GAL that involves just you or small groups. Yesterday I led a hike, this morning I led a walk. Social distancing is easy during small group events such as those.
I would count on a large group events that put people in close proximity being cancelled--e.g., a kickball league and/or a public wedding. If the wedding's a dozen-person family affair it may be okay.
Time to get working on GAL that involves just you or small groups. Yesterday I led a hike, this morning I led a walk. Social distancing is easy during small group events such as those.
My mom told me there were to be about 70 guests, so, not huge, but not really small either. And the facility may not be open at all, anyway. Crazy situation we're in.
I was hoping the weather would warm up so I could start walking more (I hate doing it while bundled up). Hopefully my laser tag next weekend is still a go. It should be a fairly small group.
I should be at about my best weight in nearly 5 years now, and dropping more every day. When I can start walking more, that will only help.
I have a new job opportunity that just popped up, so that could be interesting.
Church is still going strong, and they've asked me to join their tech team.
So, GAL is going fine. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Confident and pretty energetic. And my daughter seems to adore me more and more each day, so I am happy about that.
Only the wife is cold. That's the only negative energy in our house. You can tell she is not happy. She didn't mention that her concert was cancelled. I also didn't let her know that I know it's cancelled. It will be interesting to see what she does tomorrow. Will she stay, or act like she's still going.
Funniest thing would be (and there is pretty much zero chance of this) if she somehow didn't know it was cancelled, drove all the way out there (it's 2.5-3 hours away) and only discovered it then.
