Please help

[Core]

You ask a really good question and that is if I want it. To be honest for so long I thought yes but now that I see how much pain I am causing him and that he causes me I'm almost in agreeance with him.

Unless you're actively abusing him, he is responsible for his thoughts and feelings, not you. Setting boundaries would be good for you both. Don't take all the blame.

The one thing I keep going back to is that I know in my heart that if I had my own life and didn't depend on him and other people to fulfill my joy so many issues wouldn't have become issues. There has been an unhealthy dynamic from the start that we both went into this way and we both know that it needs to change. If he told me today he wanted to work on this marriage if he told me to day he wanted to be with me and that he loves me I would absolutely want to be with him.

You've your answer for today, right here. No need to rush out and get the D. Do though rush working on your behaviors.

But to keep chasing someone and trying to force something doesn't seem genuine it seems the opposite of love. Yes I do love this man I love him very much and he does things the pisses me off he does things that hurt me but a lot of those things I don't think would hurt me so badd if I had others to rely on. An example would be how hes such a homebody but I am not home body I like to go out and do things I love to be outdoors. I don't think that that should break a relationship because the 2 are different. I saw my grandparents married in my grandfather was just like my husband he would sit in a recliner in drink and he loved to be watching TV and just keep to himself and then work outdoors on small projects he would be social from time to time but for the most part he was just a guy that liked to be by himself. From what my mom told me my grandma was very lonely for a long time but she learned to get her own life in to make friends that would do the things that she wants to do and it worked for them.

This is good you see this. Drop the rope and dont chase him. He'll come back, or he won't. His choice. Let go of the control. Probably the hardest part and you have to do it, either way. The chasing makes him run further away. Chase yourself and your needs. I bet you can make some friends easily by signing up at a gym and taking classes. Youll GAL, improve yourself and thats time giving you both space

I've always had a problem depending on people to fill voids in my life and in fact every single relationship I've ever had has come to an end because of that dependency in my insecurities so I know that it's something I need to change for me because it will just continue if I ever have another relationship again and I don't want that.

How can you root out the insecurities? Something to think about as vulnerable as it'll make you feel.

I want my marriage to work that's what I do know I think it is sort of a bit tragic to see 2 people who genuinely do love each other have to end because of problems like this. I know deep in my heart he still cares about me and I wouldn't say that if I didn't really think it. I guess I agree with a lot of people here in that I don't like the word divorce I don't like giving up its not something I want for my life. I do agree that quite a bit of space is needed for both of us and this is just from my point of view. I wish that he felt the same way and I struggle because I don't want to for someone who truly wants to be away from me.

How he feels today is exactly that...today. You're like me...I feel and believe my W love me still. Do we truly know that? We may be projecting. Like you I hope its not the case but it could be. He may do the same thing. My W thought for awhile that I was ready to D her. I wasnt but she assures me I gave off the vibe. I didnt. She's projecting. Try cadets links, learn validation, boundaries, appreciate yourself and get to the gym. Thank yourself for the time you are giving you. It'll go a long way no matter the outcome.