Here’s the thing, none of it matters as far as preventing the D. A lot depends on how it will effect your detachment. Lot depends on your values. Maybe you want to remain friends? We have guidelines here. That’s all they are. Personally I have a low tolerance for cheaters. Others don’t. That’s why advice will vary. In general if you’re acting on fear you are doing the wrong thing.
If none of it matters as far as the D (I know there's never any guarantees), then what exactly is the point? I didn't read a book and come to these forums just to know I should get a life and be a better me. That's pretty easy for me to figure out, and I was already working towards that.
But, someone can have a life and still pursue someone. Someone can have a great life and do lots of things the "techniques" suggest avoiding. I thought the techniques (which include getting a life if that is not something you were doing - and should be done no matter the state of your marriage) had the goal of trying to "divorce bust." If none of it matters (or can matter), then it's kind of a misnomer.
