Wayfarer - yes, I have to keep DBing. I really cannot get caught up in his craziness. It is so hard to not argue and set the facts straight when he’s spewing bs. Ugh!!!
Cardinal - thank you for your kind words. We can all use some virtual hugs right now instead of real ones...;)
Journaling:
No contact for two days straight. Before I’d feel a bit unsettled, and I’d wonder whether he’s feeling okay. But I am so glad to be NC after our last episode.
Today for the first time I got a bit of the feeling that other vets have mentioned- “you will know when you are ready.” I have consulted L again for a few follow up questions. And I have looked at our finances again and really thought about how to separate everything. Our lease is coming up soon, although I do want to keep staying here just so the kids could have some kind of stability while all this is going on, I actually kind of hope that our landlord will not want to renew. That would force me to find another place for me and the kids, and for H to move all his stuff to wherever he’s staying right now.
I am losing hope. It seems less and less unlikely that H is going to deal with his issues. Today sex addiction came to mind. H has always had a super high libido...but I was feeling like a tool many times in recent years. He was using our sex to make him feel better internally. It was not love making. I don’t know. Hopefully I am not nitpicking our last so I could make him out to be this horrible person so it’s easier for me to leave him.
