Rough night sleep. Can't keep my rain from replaying the videos I found that she made him. I wish I never saw those. Is 40% reconciliation an accurate number after an affair? I thought it would be less.
Today's goal...detach, detach, detach. Even though I want to reach out so bad. I also need to think about FaceTime every night with our daughter. It's just another way to hear her voice and that makes it harder to detach. But then I miss my daughter if I don't (we split 50/50 time).
One more thing, Last week at our MC (the last one cuz I said I'm not going anymore), she told the MC she was writing a letter to give me because she communicates best that way (otherwise she gets defensive and angry in person). I haven't gotten anything. I asked about it, which I shouldn't have, a few days ago (before I told her I'm going to focus on me and end MC and set boundaries) and she said she was still writing it. Honestly, I want it to see what it says. My guess is she rewrites it every time her mood changes. Remember, she has told me she misses me and that she doesn't want to be with me within a few hours of each other. The R talk has stopped, and it was mainly at the beginning but I think she heard me say I wanted her back so she was just solidifying me as her plan b do she can go test drive the OM.
I feel dumb wanting her back still. Detach, detach, detach.
