I have struggled the past few days with feeling like I wasn't getting "enough" from H, but objectively, was getting a lot. This has been so hard to be physically apart for 2 weeks like this now that he's back in. We have spent much longer times apart both during separation and before hand (due to work), but I feel extra needy in the reassurance department and am trying to mitigate that. It's been easier now that i am home from my work travels, too, and can hang with my friends/do stuff around the house/with the dogs. I'd been trying to figure out how to express my needs without triggering some sort of defensive response, and coming up with nothing. Debating about if I was being fair to him since he is super busy in this course, etc. I felt he had been a little distant the past few days, but I don't think it was anything personal - the majority of his day is taken up with their final project.
That said....I am just dang impatient and glad I didn't say anything, because H was doing all kinds of stuff behind the scenes that I didn't know about. Following up with this couple's weekend thing, talking to his boss about working in our city this weekend instead of where his place is, laying the groundwork for the bigger convo of coming back to his office here in town. (I've mentioned before, one of H's bosses is one of my BFFs, and that's how I met H - boss BFF actually performed our wedding ceremony. He's been there more for me than my H during this, but I haven't said a ton to boss and left it to H to navigate re: his return. I know this boss friend and another bigger boss are in favor of reconciling, and will help this work logistics-wise). He took the time to explain some work related challenges and details of how he is going to tackle them, too. Here I was being impatient and faithless, and was wrong.
My ex-H was an abusive alcoholic, and I spent a lot of time reading al-anon stuff, and one of the biggest takeaways was allowing loved ones to have the dignity to fail on their own (e.g. quit fixing, controlling, and focus on you!). That's one I am trying to implement, and need to look at it from the other angle, too - give him the dignity to SUCCEED on his own. I can definitely overcorrect in the controlling dept due to my previous marriage, where if I didn't do something, it point blank did not get done. My patience has paid off many times in this process, and I am proud at growing in this area, because patience has been my struggle for life.
I look forward to him coming home late Friday night, and spending time together over the weekend.
