I haven't spoken to my husband since I discovered his affair , so last night I made contact (I know...against BD rules) and told him how hurt I was about his affair and the typical how could you do this to me, to our family, blah, blah blah. Of course he responded by telling me he didn't contact me because he knew I would not accept his apology and that my life would be better without him. He has caused me so much pain and he feels the best thing to do is leave so he won't continue to hurt me. So basically, he is trying to say he wants to leave to spare me the pain he has caused but I know this is a sorry a$$ excuse to be with this young woman. It has nothing to do with me, it's all about him and his selfishness. He made the whole conversation about him. He did hear me out and let me vent but I can tell he is dead inside. He gave me the old "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line, and he has felt this way for the last 2 years, and he has no excuse for what he did. I wanted to tell him you're a disgusting, cheating, horny pig.
I want a divorce. I don't want a divorce. Even if I didn't, I think he is too far gone. I'm all over the place with my emotions. I went to see an attorney today and confirmed that I can get half of his 401k and pension, but I probably won't get maintenance because we don't have any minor children and I have a job (he makes 2x my salary) which should cover my expenses and an education, so I have the potential to make more money. I just want to get back at this man. I know this is juvenile thinking but that's where I'm at right now. I'm angry as hell that he gets to leave me after I stood by him for 23 years and made sacrifices so he could build his career and now he gets to skip off into the sunset with his child bride while I struggle. Maybe I will find another attorney and get a second opinion. IDK. Maybe I need to slow down and work on myself. I'm really not in a hurry to divorce, but for some reason I feel like i should take control and file before he does.
I need to seriously start to GAL. Detach. This situation is consuming me.
Me: 47 H: 45 T: 24 M:23 D23 BD #1 12/19: ILYBNILWY BD #2 2/20: I discovered H was having an affair with OW. (OW is 21 and lives in another country) Current R status: Separated.
