Standing vs standing still

[oceangrl]

So it's not like I'm thinking "leave him!" in my head

H did bring up the mediation on Thursday right after his session. He had moved it from Tuesday, so actually, there was no delay in contacting me. He sent me a message at work asking me to call him so we could go through the details. I called and, as expected, it quickly turned into a yelling match down the phone. He is adamant about what he wants. 50/50 on everything with no child maintenance/support and no spousal. I told him (again) I was not seeking spousal (but reserved right to change our minds if either of our work sitch changed), was happy with 50/50 split of assets, but I would only support 50/50 childcare as long as the days he had them were fixed. If they were not fixed, then the ratio would go in accordance with whatever overnights he could do which were fixed and that we would use the government rates to decide how much he would pay. Anyway, it deteriorated until I eventually hung up.

The other big thing that happened this week had to do with D10. There was an incident on the WhatsApp group that the kids in her year have set up. She wasn't a part of it (in fact, she was away on the cruise and only saw it when her wifi kicked in) but the three children involved are children of good friends of mine. Basically two of the children were swearing and one called the other stupid and a d**k. It could be seen as bulling by an over anxious parent but from what D10 said, it sounded more like banter gone too far. It didn't sound malicious. And to me, bulling is systematic and malicious. Anyway an email was sent out, and H asked the children about it and then passed the info to me in an email. I spoke to the mum of the child who had been swearing because I thought she should know so she could a) deal with it however she wanted to, and b) she didn't get ambushed at the school. She spoke to the other mum and now a complaint has been raised about H gossiping about her and calling her child a bully. After receiving the email, H called me up to yell some abuse - something about telling me things in confidence, hoped I was happy, bringing the children into it blah blah blah. Unfortunately I was 3 glasses of champagne in at a friends 40th birthday afternoon tea, and I yelled abuse back then hung up him.

So, not a great week on the db front.

I can relate to this as my husband is incredibly triggered with child sharing and freaks out about it. We have gone back and forth and raised voices, etc. And as you can imagine, nothing gets resolved. My thought is, you've told him what you think. If he brings all this up again, I would say, "we can address this in mediation." There's just no point in talking about it again, and it just causes so much heartache.

As for the bullying incident, he can make whatever point he wants, but berating you about it is not okay either. I'm sorry you experienced this. Hope you are doing okay.