How do I detach? I'm still wanting to contact my W who is still in contact with the OM. I need to work on myself. I have told my W I'm setting boundaries because it's time to work on me. Basically, no contact unless it's for my daughter. But it's hard, I lost my best friend...even though she isn't my friend if she had an affair for a year.
Thanks again to all of you. This forum is very helpful.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/11/2005:48 PM. Reason: threads merged
I have told my W I'm setting boundaries because it's time to work on me. Basically, no contact unless it's for my daughter.
The typical losing LBS playbook is to announce boundaries they have not thought through--then regret the damage they cause and look weak by failing to enforce them. Guilty. So let's ensure you're ahead of the curve. Did you announce the boundary is YOU will not contact her, SHE should not contact you, or BOTH? If she should not contact you except about the kids, what consequences will you use to enforce your boundary?
Originally Posted by kto626
How do I detach? I'm still wanting to contact my W who is still in contact with the OM. I need to work on myself.
Through some mix of GAL and finding distractions when you can't. At first GAL is like pulling teeth, but soon you find you forget your situation for parts of or during the whole GAL, and eventually GAL is something you look forward to and takes up the headspace where you'd previously have been missing your cheating partner.
PS - Your threads will get merged. One thread per person. It changes over only at 10 pages / 100 posts.
I have told my W I'm setting boundaries because it's time to work on me. Basically, no contact unless it's for my daughter.
The typical losing LBS playbook is to announce boundaries they have not thought through--then regret the damage they cause and look weak by failing to enforce them. Guilty. So let's ensure you're ahead of the curve. Did you announce the boundary is YOU will not contact her, SHE should not contact you, or BOTH? If she should not contact you except about the kids, what consequences will you use to enforce your boundary?
I haven't officially laid out the boundaries yet. I just told her we should only have contact regarding our daughter. I don't know what I should do if she contacted me. Ideally, I would say I don't feel comfortable with her crossing the boundary. I don't know what other ones I need?
PS - Your threads will get merged. One thread per person. It changes over only at 10 pages / 100 posts.
Thanks for the explanation. I didn't realize. Thank you.
[quote=CWarrior][quote=kto626]I have told my W I'm setting boundaries because it's time to work on me. Basically, no contact unless it's for my daughter.
The typical losing LBS playbook is to announce boundaries they have not thought through--then regret the damage they cause and look weak by failing to enforce them. Guilty. So let's ensure you're ahead of the curve. Did you announce the boundary is YOU will not contact her, SHE should not contact you, or BOTH? If she should not contact you except about the kids, what consequences will you use to enforce your boundary?
I haven't officially laid out the boundaries yet. I just told her we should only have contact regarding our daughter. I don't know what I should do if she contacted me. Ideally, I would say I don't feel comfortable with her crossing the boundary. I don't know what other ones I need?
The other day my W asked to come get our dog to take him for a walk (first time in 6 weeks). I wasn't home but later I noticed she went upstairs and grabbed somethings. In the past, I asked her to tell me if she was going in the house...after all she left and continues to see the OM. Should I reprogram the garage opener so she can't come in the house? I feel like I set a boundary and she crossed it.
Should I reprogram the garage opener so she can't come in the house? I feel like I set a boundary and she crossed it.
Hi Kto626,
I see--so you view the home as "your space", and feel violated when she enters? The only issue is the home is probably "shared space" unless she's formally agreed the house or some portion of it is yours to exclusively occupy or you have a restraining order or some other special condition applies. I don't see you having much luck enforcing your preference on your wife. If you change the locks, she could hire a locksmith.
My ex-wife and I did create a formal agreement within 30 days of my first bringing up divorce. She got exclusive occupation of the shared space, but in return paid me rent until we sold the home.
She doesn't live in the home anymore. She moved out on BD.
I get that. If you want to know for sure, you could call your attorney. We all live in different jurisdictions with slightly different rules for the situation. I suspect your attorney could assess the details and tell you exactly your rights and recourses in less than 15 minutes. Then, proceeding is easy.
