That's the depression talking; it will literally kill you. You see no way out of your situation which triggers more fear and anxiety and everything spirals out of control. You've taken the first step forward, which is to get the appropriate medication. The other part is much harder; getting control of your negative thoughts. You will get through this but you just can't see that right now. Hang in there and get the help you need. This will pass.
I've taken these meds before and despite doing well on them I did not want to take them again. The whole concept of "controlled substance" bothers me. My dr says cut the pills in half to keep the dose super low says there is no reason for me to suffer needlessly. I've only been taking them when I'm having a full on meltdown.
Your words make me want to cry because they are true.
