Take a deep breath, breathe. Nothing earth-shattering has occurred. Your therapist simply has detected the same thing folks here have been telling you, that she was just going through the motions with MC. The fact is that MC gave you a false sense of hope. You felt like, and even expressed here, that as long as she was attending that you felt there was a chance.
The truth is that there is always a chance. That is what DBing is about. But that chance is not helped by MC. In fact, I'd argue that when you have a WAS MC actually does more harm than good. It is just like saying "ILY" to a WAS. Every time you say "ILY" it reminds them that they do not feel the same way. Likely MC was doing the same thing for her. It was reinforcing to her the fact that she isn't into the MR anymore and doesn't want to save it.
So one day you may look back and see that this was a turning point in your sitch. As much anxiety has it has induced for you now, one day you may realize the wisdom in this decision.
kt, what you need to remember is that your W met and fell for a guy that was off doing his own thing, years ago. But overtime your lives became so intertwined that you lose that mojo that attracted her in the beginning. That is what DBing aims to do. To reawaken that guy she fell for. That is what GAL is all about. It reminds the WAS that their LBS was an exciting, thriving individual with a whole world that didn't include them. Imagine how unattractive it would be that after one date a person was immediately and hopelessly attached to someone. That someone would collapse under the weight of that kind of pressure. Well MR can get to that point point as well. Slowly, over time, as the intertwining becomes more and more, so to does the pressure. It is kind of like boiling a frog by slowly increasing the temperature of the water. Over time that temperature becomes hot enought to boil the frog. Over time, the pressure building on being codependent builds until one spouse collapses underneath the weight of that pressure.
So GAL.Keep doing IC and improve yourself. Learn about self-differentation and detachment so that you can become that healthy, functioning individual that originally attracted your W.
Most of all, stop holding on so tightly. Let go of the rope. Give her the time and space she needs. Remove ALL pressure and do not pursue her. Remember, humans are strange creatures. We want what we can't have. And reject things that are too easily obtained. Become the former, not the latter for her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
