Staff Professional Development day today at work, full of workshops and trainings. It was a great event, and I work with some truly intelligent, kind, and giving colleagues. Listened to a few colleagues present on their Masters Degree theses, which was super interesting.
In my final session of the day we had discussions around work burnout, and had an exercise where we were instructed to focus our thoughts and memory around a single, positive word. We were assigned the word, and mine was "serenity". We were instructed to take a moment and really bring our selves into a memory and a space where we felt our word (which was an emotion) strongly.
Then, we had to find others in the room who shared our word, and share our memories. I had two colleagues I matched with. My memory was back last June when I was on the farm in Italy. It was when W and I were separated, but not yet in the legal of D. I had accepted it was happening, but it wasn't quite behind me yet. And this trip was to really show myself my own potential to go live my life on my own. I remember sitting in the barn, on a cement step, with the barn doors wide open. The goats were behind me in their pen. I was facing south, overlooking the pasture where the horses were grazing, and the cattle. The sun was perfect those days, and it was warm but not sweltering. I would sit there, and know I was on my path towards D. Know that my life would be different. Know that I was grateful for having W, but also having quiet hope for my future. Complete contentment in that moment. I was resting from morning chores, and sitting in a space that I knew would be in my future in some way - this lifestyle. It was contentment, it was serenity.
I think of that memory very often, and it was nice to associate it with the word "serenity", because I don't think I had done so before. It has refocused me on this life I'm living.
And then my colleague shared her own story of serenity, and it was based around the fact that she and her partner of 7 years split within the past 6 months. He was the cook in their relationship, and now she is taking cooking classes and she remembers just sitting with a beautiful meal in front of her, with a glass of wine, and experiencing her life. I saw her so clearly in that moment. I actually want to connect with her soon to discuss cooking since it's a new interest of hers, and could be fun.
There really are so many of us in the world going through true heartache at any given time. So many keep it private, and that's okay. But I think I enjoy more talking about it, and recognizing it. Just acknowledging it makes me feel like my life with my XW was not something I ever want to bury. But also I am so happy and hopeful for my current life and future.
