Thank you for a thoughtful list. You're absolutely correct in that the AP is just a symptom of whatever it is internally she is struggling through. I'm working on giving up the control - I feel like I had improved and reverted when we were living together and trying to reconcile. I may have some lingering issues. It's something I'm working on. It's not blatant control (ie: telling someone what they can and cannot do) but the subconscious control that I struggle with. (ie: walking on eggshells, trying to give comfort or advice when I should just listen) Forgiving myself is tough stuff. I hadn't thought of it that way, but I guess I do feel guilty or like a failure with the thought of my marriage failing/divorce.
Hey Kristin - no problem
I've been through h3ll, most of it before I found this place, but if you look back through my earlier threads you will see that I was spinning just like you are now. I was riding an emotional rollercoaster because I was so h3llbent on saving what I thought was still my MR. It was a fool's errand - because it only takes one person to end an R, and WAW had ended it single handedly - without even giving me much of an explanation or really informing me about it.
I think it will help you greatly to start to accept that your M is over. It will not be an easy thing to do. It was the hardest thing I had to do, at a time when so many other elements of my life were out of control too, much like you are experiencing now.
That's not to say that this is for forever, it is only to say that this is what is happening at this particular moment.
Yail is very wise. I like the way she addresses the fact that you do not have to stop loving W. That is how I view it also. That's not what detachment is about at all. Like I said before, it is for you and your health. And right now that is priority.
None of us knows what the future will bring. Maybe some of us or a lot of us Recon, maybe a lot or some of us do not. But that is for the future, not for right now.
Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. We are all human. It is ok to fall down, but it is also important that we learn the lesson on why we fell down, and to try not to repeat that misstep the next time we are presented with a problem.
I would suggest that you go back and re-read all of your threads. I do that on occasion, and it does help me to get a bigger picture of what is happening in my life - see the things that I succeeded at, and the ones I failed at. I think it may help you too to view your sit from a different perspective.
