Help with WW #2

[OS2]

When you use the R abbreviation, do you mean relationship or reconciliation?

I mean reconciliation, but could have been both. I asked her to move out because she wasn't willing to do what she'd said and it felt like she was uncomfortable. I stopped talking about both but because of that it has felt a little like we've been drifting and almost like she's off the hook.

So, has she agreed to everything except actually committing?

Yes, the following day after I asked her to move out she came round and said she was willing to do what I asked. I felt that I had only just asked her to leave though and despite what she was telling me she had moved back in for the wrong reasons anyway/prematurely so I didn't want to jump at that, but rather thought more time was a better idea. Asking for space when I had been the one applying pressure was quite a shock for her I think and she's been showing more interest in me since. In the longer term that has proved to be the right thing to have done I think as I feel I've had more time to stop and properly deal with things. Space has also made me contemplate life without her and convince myself that while hard I could do it and be successful in whatever happens. Out of your R list, she has showed remorse and sincere apology (on a number of occasions), and taken responsibility for her actions. She's explained how it led to that point but has said it didn't excuse at all what she did, and she repeats how badly she has acted. She has stated a few things she wants going forward if we were to R. She has said she would agree to my terms. I was hoping she would try and actively win me over, although my detachment has brought her closer and she feels I'm closing her off. I'm getting caring/loving daily messages from her trying to get my attention.

Should I detach/NC again or stay semi-available to see what happens?

No, at this point, I would be upfront and tell her what you need from her, if she's seriously talking about coming back.

I feel now might be the right time to talk about R if she is willing. She's wanted to see me a few days and I've said I'll see her tonight. She phoned me last night (which I answered to her surprise) and says that she feels like I'm trying to block her out of my life and that she misses me. She said she feels things are different now.

And what if she tells you she is ready to commit? Will you be turned off? Will you feel you must take her back?

I don't feel like I must, no. But I won't be turned off either. I've been preparing for the worst actually since she moved out which has helped me be more relaxed about it. There's still a lot of hurt and pain and although in some respects she appears to have been moving on from the A I need her to keep appreciating what it's done to our M (I know in the books it says don't worry, she won't forget it in a hurry!) and all her effort to make it work again and make a success of it. I still love her though and want to make it work, but I won't take anything other than total commitment because I know it won't work otherwise and I won't put up with any half measures.