I've had a bereavement in the family this week and it’s changed my DB game a bit because W came over after hearing about it and I’ve seen her the last few days.
Sorry for your loss, but how does seeing your W the last few days change your DB game? It seems when she showed interest, you want to pull back, and maybe vise versa.
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What’s weird is a big gap in the middle because I feel the present is currently missing and we’re not talking R any more. It’s starting to make me complacent and uninterested.
When you use the R abbreviation, do you mean relationship or reconciliation?
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She told me the day after I asked her to leave she would do all the transparency etc but I don’t want to rush anything and get it wrong.
So, has she agreed to everything except actually committing?
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She also says she’s confident we’ll get back together but her slow pace is turning me off.
What are you calling slow pace? You just said you didn't want to rush anything and get it wrong.
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Should I detach/NC again or stay semi-available to see what happens? I suppose if it progresses I'll just have to state that I'm not ready for that yet until she is ready to commit?
No, at this point, I would be upfront and tell her what you need from her, if she's seriously talking about coming back. If you want commitment, then tell her you won't reconcile unless she commits to doing the necessary work to save the M. If you need more time, then tell her.
And what if she tells you she is ready to commit? Will you be turned off? Will you feel you must take her back?
IDK, but you sound a bit confused to me. If you aren't certain where things stand with OM, or you aren't sure about your feelings.......then I'd suggest you tell her you need more time to think. Nothing says you have to agree to reconcile right now. I don't think I could, if I wasn't sure the affair was over. And, if OM has just recently left, she will have "withdrawals" coming her way. There's nothing wrong with her pursuing you for a while.
When I see a woman wanting to date her H before they reconcile, I suspect she wants the romance, but maybe it's her way of testing the waters. I wouldn't date her while she dates other men.
Don't do anything until you feel you are ready.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
