Through The Storm III

[KristinG]

AS,

No need to stay out of my threads unless you choose to do so. I have been through **** in the last week with the devastation to our community and I have already been on edge and extremely emotional. I didn't mean to upset you with my response, just wanted to offer some advice. I realize that I have not strictly followed all of the DB principles, but I have learned a ton being here and continue to strengthen my resolve. I'm human, I'm weak, but I'm always moving forward and believe it or not, I thought I was following my gut and making the best decisions for myself. You're quite right in the fact that it is apparent they were incorrect choices. Live and learn. I may very well fail again, but you know what? I'm still going to be ok, and I will still pick myself up and learn some more. This forum has offered me a place to vent, a place to cry, and a place to celebrate. I'm grateful for it.

Ovr,

Thanks for the kind words and bump in ego my friend! I needed to get out the negative cycle loop and I've been super productive at work today so that helps. I am feeling better this afternoon but it's a lot of ups & downs emotionally. I know within a week it will calm even more.

May,

Hugs to you. You're absolutely right in going NC for me. I am so **** exhausted trying to be strong and trying to be understanding that I feel like I've been sacrificing my own soul to the dementors in Harry Potter. Now is the time to sit with this, heal, breathe, and thrive on my own! I purchased a really top quality piece of gym equipment a few weeks ago that I'm going to put together tonight. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and I need to count those blessings daily.

IW,

Thank you for a thoughtful list. You're absolutely correct in that the AP is just a symptom of whatever it is internally she is struggling through. I'm working on giving up the control - I feel like I had improved and reverted when we were living together and trying to reconcile. I may have some lingering issues. It's something I'm working on. It's not blatant control (ie: telling someone what they can and cannot do) but the subconscious control that I struggle with. (ie: walking on eggshells, trying to give comfort or advice when I should just listen) Forgiving myself is tough stuff. I hadn't thought of it that way, but I guess I do feel guilty or like a failure with the thought of my marriage failing/divorce.

Thanks to you all - it really helped to get me through the day.

KG