WAW - is it too late?

[sandi2]

Here's the thing, RVM, you have a lot of fear that you've got to let go. You fear you are going to be seen as the bad guy by your kids, friends, family, etc. That fear prevents you from standing up for yourself. BTW, standing up for yourself is not the same as being defensive.

Imagine your W as a schoolyard bully. How much good is going to do to have a conversation with the bully about how you feel, or try to defend yourself? Talks do no good. So, what can you do to stop the bullying?

First of all, you have to overcome your fear, or else do it (whatever it is) in spite of being afraid.
Next, you have to know how far you are willing to go, in order to protect yourself emotionally. You have to decide how important self respect is to you. How important is your kids respect for you? How important is your W's respect for you?

If you knew she would never stop saying things in front of the kids (or others), what would you do? Would you give up and continue to live in it? Would you decide to separate or divorce? You have to determine how valuable self respect is to you. When you figure out how valuable your self respect is, then I think half the battle will be won, b/c you will walk & talk like a confident man who doesn't take stuff off anyone.

Since you've already told her that you won't tolerate her saying disrespectful things in front of the kids, the next step is deciding what you'll do. Walking out of the room isn't very effective, since the kids are watching, b/c they just see mom getting away disrespecting dad.