Sending love your way. I like what overrnbw says... you get to choose how you feel, and you cannot be crushed.
My only recommendation for you at this point is to focus 100% on you and what you need, and discard anything that even smells like something you'd do in hopes of potential R. Going NC with her is not in the hopes that she'll see what she's missing... it is for you, to heal. Not for anyone else... for YOU.
What she's been doing is simply not right and no-one deserves to be jerked around in that way. She is not being the W you need her to be right now. She is bringing you heartache, not joy. Focus on you and what you need for YOU. Maybe shifting the focus somewhat will help if/when she comes back in a week or whatever... this NC is not for her to realize anything. if she does, whatever. It is for you. You need this time and space. Grab it and take it and don't let her take it away from you.
((((KG))))
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
