I don't want a divorce II ---- NEW THREAD Part 4

[KitCat]

There is no hope in saving this M.

That he's so angry at you indicates attachment. Another indicator is how often he reached out to you during his time away. He could've had a complete 4-day KitCat vacation. He's probably as confused by his mood swings are you are--I wonder what feelings seeing you in those sexy PJs pulled up! It's not a good situation, but where there's attachment, there's more hope than where there isn't.

I never know when he is going to show up or to leave. I totally expected him later because I had plans to be out of the house during that time.

When he walked in and walked into the kitchen... he immediately said hi in the nicest tone he has had since BD. I had my back to him. It was a total surprise and just WAY different than how he has been. I kept my interaction brief and short and went off to do my own thing. He actually came looking for me and seemed surprised that I was leaving. But, he didn't ask me to stay or state why he came home so early.

I keep thinking of the movie The Break Up. They are each trying to one up each other rather than reaching out to each other. Was he there early for any other reason??? I will never know because when he came home he was back to being cold and distant.

I'm getting really fed up.

I spent my Saturday reading books on communication and how to handle break ups. I focused on how my texts to him last Thursday were because of MY anxiety and I wasn't thinking about him or his emotional needs or his perspective. I know that set me back... us back because he would have taken those texts as trying to control him. Instead I should have skipped the texts and remained radio silent and trusted that what ever happened while I was gone next week would happen. I shouldn't extend control.

I got my anxiety down really well on Saturday. I felt good. I felt good on Sunday morning.

Today has been a total S**t Show. I'm exhausted.

He actually said he felt that I had betrayed him.... I know I should have validated more and I struggled so much to support his feeling of betrayal... This is because his username and password changed and I he doesn't remember me telling him??? Because I've been socking money away so he can retire at 56? Because he felt he deserved toys so I loosened our belt so he could have brand new boat and motorcycle??? This is betrayal.... I'M NOT THE ONE F'ing AROUND.... I didn't have the gonads to throw that in his face.

But, let him contact me... just even once... and the only response he will get is leave me alone.

I left a bill on the table for his auto insurance, cell phone and gym membership for last month and this month... no excuses. I don't care if he put $200 in garage he isn't paying a dime of the water bill, or gas or electric or any part of the roof over his head.

I hate that he is letting all these other people get into his head and say that we are toxic. I just want to scream!!!!