She first said the affair lasted 3 months, then I asked it again and she said it was 6. But then I found videos she made for him that went back 13-14 months...all the way back to the ILYBNILWY statement.
It never ceases to amaze me at how cheaters will lie, lie and lie some more. Why in the world did she think that cheating "only" 3 months was better than 6 or 14? Like cheating isn't bad enough! Anyway we've seen this pattern many times here. You can expect continuous lying from now on. You literally cannot believe anything she says. At some point she may hit rock bottom and repent of all of her cheating and lying and turn over a new leaf, but that is way down the road.
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She left the house on D-Day.
Good! Do not let her back! And you stay put! The worst thing an LBS can do is leave the house to the WAS, we see it happen a lot and it just makes BD even worse for them.
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We talk daily and we have gone back to couples therapy.
Like Steve said you should stop both. She's only going to MC to check off her list of "things I did to try and save the M but only proved it really was over." And talking daily and being chummy is only going to plant you firmly in the "Plan B" category.
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In the 2nd couples therapy I said I don't accept that she's seeing him and I will move forward without her if she continues.
Don't make idle threats, it makes you look powerless. She has indeed continued, so what are you going to do now? What does "move forward without her" mean exactly? That's what you need to do.
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She barely apologizes and gets mad when I talk about moving on.
She is a wayward and waywards can be very defiant. Read as many of Sandi's posts as you can, she was a wayward and she talks a lot about the mindset.
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So Im trying to stop contact but we FaceTime with our daughter every night
Do continue to FT D, but don't talk to W other than passing the phone/ tablet to D.
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But I'm also concerned because since she shuts down and runs away from problems, I'm afraid she will take the NC as a sign to run to the OM.
She doesn't need to run to where she already is. She's with OM and any pursuit on your part is just going to look weak and pathetic. You want to be strong, independent, and unaccepting of her wayward behavior.
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my W had said to stop trying to tell her how to feel (I need to get better at this...I've tried talking to her about the affair fog).
You can't use logic and reason to get through to her. She is caught in feelings and emotions right now, nothing you can do will help other than leaving her alone to sort this out.
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Is this affair fog or is she really done? What do info to move forward knowing I talk to her almost daily for our 3 year old? Should I continue going to couples therapy (I will continue IC)? Please any advice or help!
For now she is done. That might change with time. For now you should detach and leave her alone. Do continue IC. Do not continue MC/ CT.
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What do you mean. She has been on anti depressants for a little while now. Obviously, they didn't help.
What he means is we all search for reasons to explain our WAS's behavior. Is it menopause? Is it anti-depressants? Did I do something wrong? Is it an affair fog? Is it a midlife crisis? The bottom line is you don't know, we don't know and even your wife doesn't know. No one knows. And you will never know. So try to accept that diagnosing, trouble-shooting and curing are not the answers here. Let go of the need to know "why".
