I've been there too. We had many false starts. I learned the hard way: "Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do".
AS or Sandi could go whole hog and give you a calculus like proof, but I find it best to just remember that statement.
You are not a bug. You cannot be crushed home girl! Seriously! You are much stronger than you feel at the moment. Find your strength. I see many positives in your posts but you are focusing on the negatives and it is easy to flip this around.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.