I guess I would say there are times where she does things that don't seem like things someone seeking a divorce would do. And there have been a few instances regarding the safety of our daughter and my step-daughter. Things that are completely out of character for her. She has always been all about family. And now, she is acting as if she has zero consideration for her family at all.
All of this behavior is extremely common for a WAS. It seems out of character because she's no longer who you thought you knew. The W you fell in love with and married and built a life with has now been replaced with a different person. Things you did may have triggered this change, or may not have. But her values and interests are now drastically different. The goal of DB'ing isn't to get your old W and M back, both are gone. Your goal is to detach and GAL and pave the way for a possible new relationship with the new version of her.
This is so true. Captain, take it from someone that was able to start a new relationship with a new version of my W. The girl you married is gone. So, too, is the woman you knew before. Now, some parts of her might return. For instance, my W was at the point of giving up her spiritual beliefs. Her spiritual beliefs have returned, and are stronger than ever. But she is much more blunt, much less empathetic, than she was previously. She suffered from "Nice Girl Syndrome" previous to our sitch, and it's much more less caring of what people think now. So in some ways it is a positive, but it also means I had to adjust a lot to this new version.
If you came here thinking you could get the old her back with your old MR, then you need to adjust your thinking.
Last edited by Steve85; 03/09/2002:06 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
