Sorry man, I know this is tough. But you will find the advice and support you are looking for here.

I would stop couple therapy, immediately. Say something to her like: "I feel like couples therapy is just going through the motions at this point. I have decided to stop it. I will continue with IC. So much has happened I need to try to get it all sorted out and decide what to do next for myself."

Keep your conversations with her only about 3 year-old. Nothing else. Avoid R talks at all costs. If she does start one, listen and validate.

I do have to ask, you say you love her and want to save things, but she is actively in an affair. One she refuses to stop. At this point what are you trying to save?

Likely she is keeping you around because OM is just using her as a piece of meat, deep down she knows this, and knows at some point she will need to come back to you, her Plan B. The best thing I can see you doing at this point is to take her Plan B away. I would highly consider retaining a lawyer and filing for D. I think your case is a pretty good one, you'll definitely get 50/50 custody, maybe more if her leaving is considered abandonment.

Hang in there, I know you are hurting, but it does get better. Just remember: BELIEVE NOTHING SHE SAYS.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018