1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[MrBrside]

Morning Pommy,

I have switched into angry phase and I told him in the middle of the night he has to leave today, not next weekend.

Natural response - we are human after all - But it will achieve nothing. Try and remain calm and composed when you deal with them - The wayward will just use your anger to justfy their decission.. "oh my ex was crazy / angry".. Nothing frustrates a WW more than a calm and composed LBS, as they want you to be the bad one - it justifies their actions.

He came to find me this morning to talk about why I was angry. I told him that it was anger regarding his lies about OW, the anxiety and paranoia i’d felt for 12 months, that he’d put her friendship above mine, that I should have said enough way before now, but that I didn’t because I was trying to repair the marriage, and now even this last week, he’s still lying to me. His response was that to him it was just a friendship and it seemed easier to not say anything about being in contact with her. And I disagreed and said you covered it all up because you knew on some level it was inappropriate, you told her you loved her, and even when sober 2 days later you told me you didn’t know if you were in love with her or not. That we were never going to repair a marriage in crisis whilst you were having an EA. And he apologised and said I had every right to be angry, and hadn’t realised before now how much this had hurt me and for such a long time. And he was very quiet. I was very composed and unemotional in my delivery. He went and made my breakfast and I left for work.

Believe nothing they say.. He may say he is sorry - blar blar blar - But it won't stop him messaging OW etc. His mind is elsewhere right now - and as harsh as its sounds, his mind isn't on you. He wants out - out to carry on with this new fantasy life.

So now what? I have no idea what next. My emotions are changing by the hour, although I am feeling more in control during this angry phase, and not clingy or upset. I could’ve WFH today, with him, but don’t want to see him

Well if you can't handle work, and he wont' leave - maybe try a coffee shop with wifi etc. That gets you away from him, and gives you time to calm down - and should allow you to work - hopefully taking your mind off the situation.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but after the weekend it will get easier. You just need to be strong ( really strong ) - enforce boundaries and don't get sucked into mind games.