1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

Hi May, it’s been an awful weekend. H signed the lease yesterday. I was shell shocked, I guess I clinging on to the hope that he might change his mind. I have switched into angry phase and I told him in the middle of the night he has to leave today, not next weekend. He came to find me this morning to talk about why I was angry. I told him that it was anger regarding his lies about OW, the anxiety and paranoia i’d felt for 12 months, that he’d put her friendship above mine, that I should have said enough way before now, but that I didn’t because I was trying to repair the marriage, and now even this last week, he’s still lying to me. His response was that to him it was just a friendship and it seemed easier to not say anything about being in contact with her. And I disagreed and said you covered it all up because you knew on some level it was inappropriate, you told her you loved her, and even when sober 2 days later you told me you didn’t know if you were in love with her or not. That we were never going to repair a marriage in crisis whilst you were having an EA. And he apologised and said I had every right to be angry, and hadn’t realised before now how much this had hurt me and for such a long time. And he was very quiet. I was very composed and unemotional in my delivery. He went and made my breakfast and I left for work.

So now what? I have no idea what next. My emotions are changing by the hour, although I am feeling more in control during this angry phase, and not clingy or upset. I could’ve WFH today, with him, but don’t want to see him, be in the same space as him. He’s moving at the weekend. I’m trying not to think about it. I know I’m not in a good place emotionally and I honestly don’t know how to be with him right now. I don’t know whether to act loving, kind, distant, indifferent. My behaviour this morning has been hostile but calm - really pushing him away (like refusing to let him make me espresso and prep my lunch, insisting that he leaves ASAP.) How should I be acting here as nothing seems appropriate right now?