Just journalling. I feel down and sad and hopeless. Partly because some of my friends have some very tough life stuff going on and I feel sad for them. Partly because I see zero change in H. Oh well. And I haven't gone ahead with my travel plans due to this stupid virus so who knows if I'll even be able to go. Limbo in so many ways. I did have a lovely run and lunch with friends at the weekend, but that made me sad saying goodbye to my friends and going home to nobody (well, to two teens who spend most of their time in their rooms). I feel lonely right now even though I did keep busy last week and met some new people at an event.
This week I'm getting my garden done which will be something to look forward to. Tomorrow evening I have a fun thing to go to. Art class today and Wednesday. Parents evening for ds2 too. H has been to exactly one parent's evening ever, 12 years ago, I have really always been a single parent. His loss, I actually enjoy parent's evening because the teachers love ds2 and then we go and debrief at the pub and ds2 is shiny and chatty. So I have plenty of things on but still I feel like I want someone to share my life with. I'm tired of being alone and never touched. I think this week is the week I will buy a new phone, open my own bank account, and move towards either online or speed dating. I don't feel married any more. I'm no longer willing to wait for years for H to come out of his funk. It might never happen.
I reserve the right to change my mind on this! The WAS is not the only one who is confused...
