So - it's been a very good week. We've both been busy, I've had some GAL and my new instruction class for my faith. H has been asking some questions about this. I guess in the past he wouldn't have, or I'd have felt him being judgmental, but it hasn't been like that and we've had some good conversations.
Eldest has been a bit tricky: he's away this week for a school sports trip and he's always quite demanding in advance of things like this. It's clearly anxiety, and I tend to pick my battles and try to give some extra special bonding time. H is more likely to be zero tolerance. I think we have both really moved to the middle so although there were some difficult moments - as there always are with teenagers - it was okay. I'm a bit sad at the thought of Eldest going away. It won't be long before he leaves home - it's creeping up on me and I am so not ready for it - but I am also thinking that with Youngest in bed much earlier and the living room to ourselves in the evening it might be a good opportunity for H and I to spend a bit more time together.
I am feeling happier now the first signs of spring are finally here. We live in the very very north so there's still snow in th high places but I'm seeing daffodils on my walks now, and it is much lighter in the evenings and more of a pleasure to be outside. H works in medicine and with all this news about coronavirus at the moment he's been extra protective of me and the kids and I like that.
Unchien - I think you're totally right about a limit of 'reasonableness' when it comes to validating and with my H's struggle to express himself in respectful ways, have his needs and wants noted and made space for in the relationship, and to achieve that without the passive agression or verbal abuse. It's a steep learning curve for him. I can see - every day - the changes he is making and also how difficult he finds it. I am determined not to get involved in that process and to accept nothing less than adult conversations with him. If he can't manage that, well, that's his issue to address. I don't care to be around H when he's drunk and if I'd stuck to my own boundary and just went away and had a bath or something, the whole sorry mess would never have happened. Horrible though it was though, I don't think H has seen me that calm and assertive before and I hope he knew that I meant what I said. Anyone is allowed a bad day but he was so far over the line it wasn't funny.
