So I had scheduled this camping trip with a few other families awhile back, I extended the invitation to H last month and H said that he will join us. Frankly I wasn't counting on it, but I was just going to wait to see how things play out. So last week H was having a really rough time. He didn't come home and didn't go into work the whole week. He was having GI issues and went to see a doctor about it. but he also made comments over the phone to me that he thinks it's more about his "mental health". Also again, suicidal comments.
Anyway, the day came and he showed up here in the morning like he said he would. I was getting ready to leave and he initiated sex. I turned him down gently and said I'm not comfortable with it. It was one of those moments where I felt like it was more about him using me to sooth his anxiety, and I did not want to be part of that anymore. I walked out of the bedroom to continue packing.
H walked out shortly after, and told me that he's going to tell the kids that he has a work emergency and can no longer come along. He said, "I don't want you to feel bad about saying no.....you need to do what is right for you." (something like that) to which I replied, "No, I don't feel bad. yeah I know..." (neutral tone/on the lighter side)
I didn't get upset at him for ditching us at the last minute. I honestly anticipated this when I said no to sex. But I was really sad for the kids inside. They haven't seen him in awhile, and camping has always been their thing. I knew they were so looking forward to camping with him.
anyways, 12 hours later, he called me at night and he was full on crying. Telling me that he misses us, he doesn't have any friends here, he really needs to talk to someone......at the same time worrying that our friends will overhear which I assured him that I walked to somewhere private to pick up his call...he was a mess. Also said something about his pride (it was kind of loud and he was crying so I couldn't really hear everything clearly), maybe something like he needs to keep some pride or something...
I just told him that whatever happens between us, I am here to listen. It is not true that he does not have anybody, he has me. and we all miss him.
He wanted me to get back to my friends so we hung up.
So this is what I'm struggling with. I do think that all the DB stuff is out the window if he's majorly depressed and is hanging by a thread. But I don't know if I should keep calling him to check if he's okay?? Should I detach from my worries? He's alienated his only family here (his parents and us). His best friends are thousands of miles away and I'm guessing he hasn't been talking to them much either. When I brought IC up few months ago, he was not only uninterested but also very sarcastic about it.
I've reached out to his friends in the states. waiting to hear back from them.
