So... H contacted... I have given myself ALL day to NOT think about and just let it sit there for awhile. I wanted to type things out when I wasn't emotional.

I woke up early this morning to a missed call from H at 10:40pm. Followed by a text to call when I can. Now there had been some conversation about credit card payment and bank information earlier and I had supplied information by text about both when i was home at noon for lunch.

At 5am I just responded "what did you need" and at 5:30am I sent "I'm up with the dogs now if you needed to call". He would have been at work at least until 6am. No response so I go about my day. I have texted twice and I don't need to call.

At 7am I'm working out and he calls. He can tell I'm exercising but I stop and take his call - he acts like I called him being distant and then suddenly:

H: What is my father's middle name????
Me: X
H: That's right so why didn't it work with the security question of my bank???

Now - a little history. We each had our own accounts. His is where he works and mine is where we live. They have been joint accounts for 10yr - before we actually married. We have always called them X Bank and Y Bank. Never yours or mine. Now suddenly its "his" bank. Keep in mind he also has a secret bank account where all his paychecks have been diverted too.

Me: Well its my father's middle name.
H: Why is that???
Me: I did all the banking and their had been site upgrades that required re-enrolling and it was just easier for me.
H: I don't even know your father's middle name
H: I'm locked out of the account and I can't figure what or how X card got paid. I went to X card site and I can't figure it out.
Me: I know this is upsetting. Let me see what I can find out from X card site.
H: (Continuing to belt outs complaints how I would use my father's name at HIS bank)
H: I called at a reasonable time last night and you did not answer. (10:40pm and he knows I work a lot of Saturdays)
Me: I'm sorry I was not available I was asleep.

Me: Updating H on X card site. Asking about calling the bank and getting it unlocked, but H thinks there is no customer service on Saturdays. I'm doing my best to validate how upsetting this is for him not being able to get into the bank account.

H: (seemed to think my validation was condescending) its just so narcissistic of you. To use your dad's on my account.

I should have ended the conversation there by simply stating "I have answered your question and I need to go", but sadly I did not.

The conversation continued about why the X card couldn't be paid in full. I've never allowed us to carry any kind of credit card debt. But, now this was part of what he wanted to handle from "his" account. He started complaining about the lack of overtime (but he has been working it). Stated his check was only X and stated I though it XY amount. He would only transfer a portion to the joint account so there isn't enough to cover the bill.

H: (Talks about the overtime in the last 2 days. From what he volunteers I know he is not working tomorrow. It took everything I had to ask if he was coming home today... I didn't and I know he packed 4 sets of work clothes. I expect he will sleep and the he and the OW and this married couple that he is supposedly staying with will all go out.

I also reminded him that I have paid his cellphone, car insurance and gym membership and need X amount. He had previously told me he would get it by Friday. NOW - mind you I am not asking for anything from his for the mortgage, any utilities including cable and internet. I'm just asking he pay for his items.

He said I did the stuff in the garage. I said that was not the agreement. He said fine I will give it you out of my allowance but I won't have any money at all.

I knew he was still at work pulling in overtime. We continue to talk about money. He is clearly not in any hurry to get me off the phone. I'm not sure why we are still talking. He got his point in about how angry he was about my narcissistic issue.

Me: Well I need to go and finish exercising and stop by work. Call the bank later this morning and let me know what you find out.
H: Fine.

About an hour later my phone rings but I cannot get to it in time but I immediately call him back.

H: I just sent you a text with what I was going to tell you.
Me: Great, I will let you go and go read it.
H: No, I called bank and there is only drive through today no customer service.
Me: Ok. Well I guess you can take care of it on Monday.
H: I guess I will have too.
Me: Ok good bye.

He is looking for any reason to be angry at me. I really wished I had stopped the conversation much earlier. And, while I tried to explain why the banking was set up that way (that was probably a waste of time since it just opened the floor up to put me down), I did not get baited into an argument. I remained calm and did not even raise my voice.

I have exercised today. Checked in with friends and cleaning my house. H is leaving crap all over the place and not cleaning up. I know I should leave it but I have to live here too and a dirty house isn't going to help my anxiety or depression.