I’m not even looking for a R talk or anything specific just some sort of life beyond the shark eyes and hiding. Am I playing with fire? Any suggestions....is it really to continue leaving him alone?
Remember anything and everything can and usually is pressure to a person in crisis. A big part of your path is letting go and moving forward. The idea of outlasting MLC, if you like. You didn’t break him, so you can’t fix him.
I do understand your desire to know what is going on in his head. However, there is no real way. MLCer are confused and driven by, and run from, emotions. They change their minds all the time - just like emotions change all the time.
When H is silent, is the best chance for stuff to percolate in his mind. And he needs lots of percolating. Be the roommate and keep moving forward. Compassionate indifference.
Poking at him is playing with fire. And what I mean by “poking” is attempting to see what he is thinking about. He doesn’t know why or what is going on. An MLCer blames their spouse for the problems, and therefore justifies their behaviour. You don’t want to fed that irrational rewritten truth.
The LBS lets them be, and hopefully the MLCer realizes that their spouse hasn’t been bothering them and yet their problems still remain. Therefore it can’t be their spouse’s fault and they look inward. That is the basic idea.
You can still talk and respond to him. Just be roommate-like with suggested activities (if you want). Hey H, I’m going to the store you want to come along? (Expectations at zero) If you want to try something when he is around.
Letting him talk, and listening, reveals clues to “where” his is. He just needs to feel like it. Anything more forceful will most likely be met with force.
So we move forward. Find ourselves. Heal. Take up activities; old ones let go long ago or new ones we are eager to try.
We can become the best versions of ourselves in the midst of all this.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
