Just Keep Swimming: Detaching, LRT 2

[oceangrl]

My H is freezing me out. He hasn't been calling at night anymore. I don't know why, but I am so shocked by it. And then I am shocked that I am shocked. When he comes back in town he will spend time with the kids while ignoring me except for asking about dinner, etc. I hate that and I am ready to kick his butt out over the way he has been treating me.

Here's the irony. We had a conversation about his business. it's not doing well. He is not sure if he can get paid this month. We have gone through our savings. The dude is freezing me out to divorce me. I have no idea how he thinks he can afford a divorce or child support/alimony. We've been married almost 25 years. He travels often so I would think that would affect it. He seems to believe that I will accept whatever he proposes for divorce/child sharing/etc and we won't need lawyers. Okay, buddy.

Sorry, I'm just mad tonight. And hurt. I am becoming more and more unattracted to him due to his behavior. I cannot believe this is where I am in life. I know I will be okay, I just know there is a lot of hell to go through before I get there. And broken-hearted children. I did well today, but I did surprise myself by crying in the shower. Sometimes I feel the sadness of it all so much. And knowing he is not feeling it is another sad thing. He believes it will be easy divorce and then bam -- he will find Miss Wonderful. Who knows, maybe he will.

Detachment = not letting his words or deeds affect you emotionally.

How would you say you are doing in that regard?

I see LBWs in particular all the time give lip service to detachment, and even recognize "I am still not detached". Almost as if not being detached is a badge of honor. Sorry, but detachment is not for your sitch or to affect your WAH. IT IS FOR YOU! It is impossible to move forward without detaching.

Detachment is freeing. It helps ebb the pain. It will give you a new perspective. Detachment makes you go from thinking your life is over unless he comes back, to realizing that the world is your oyster REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE DECIDES.

When I started to detach well, the affect it had on me was profound. OH and in my sitch it also happened to help her see that she was standing to lose everything important in her life, and woke her up. NOTE: That second part is not guaranteed in anyone else's sitch. HOWEVER, that is not the reason for detachment. See my previous paragraph for why detachment is so important. TO THE LBS!! Sometimes it has the side-effect that it has an affect on the WAS.

Detach. Detach. Detach. You are happy. Upbeat. Fulfilled. Pleased. Looking forward to an awesome life. NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS OR DOES.

How would I say I am doing in regard to detachment? Honestly, I am way far from where I started. I was pretty desperate, pathetic, and needy and in need of validation from him. BUT I have way far to go.

I have to remind myself over and over that I am a catch. Of course, the old-school girl inside me raised to have humility balks at it, but I am getting over that. As I detach more, the halo has seriously fallen from his head. I am seeing him more for what he is and his selfishness, his way of being the biggest victim on the planet, the sensitivity chip missing from his brain.

It's a good wake up call though that I've got to do better, for my own sake. I am so tired of suffering over someone who doesn't treat me great, isn't very nice to me, has the world revolve around him, and blames me for all this problems. I am waking up this last month, and this board has been a huge part of that. Honestly, I keep coming back to posts like yours when I feel my self slipping for the desired 2x4 up my head. I feel the ground begin to reform underneath me and feel more positive.

This will be my mantra this week.