I can relate to your H a lot on this. I had EAs when my W didn't want to have sex with me for many years. Even recently she admitted that she has sex with me for me. It is difficult for a man's ego to have a W that doesn't want or desire him sexually. After all, that is the part of the relationship that really sets it apart from all the other women that a man knows in life. Of all the women at church, at work, at the grocery store, etc, the thing that delineates my relationship with my W more than any other factor is that fact that we get naked and sexually intimate with one another. When a W stops doing that with her H, that special nature of their R goes away in his mind. And you the W starts to become not much different than all those other women mentioned above. And in fact a lot of sex-starved husbands start to treat their wives no different than those other women. I know that's what I did.
Our sex life had dwindled... opposite shifts with his drive full on in the morning which was his evening and me the opposite. I suppose he felt he hung in there long enough... and now is getting his needs met elsewhere.
Stolen from Woomba from May's thread
Quote
sex is also an issue for us, and my H admitted to me that he's still hurt by my past rejections and he doesn't know whether coming back will change anything. He thinks that if he comes back, slowly with time, everything is just going to go back to the way it was (him feeling rejected all the time).
H is exactly that... he has felt so hurt and rejected and in so much pain that he stated he can never go there again with me for risk it only being good for 2 weeks and then going bad again --- he said he just wouldn't survive it. Instead he just goes and starts a new story with someone else. It was never my intention to leave him feeling rejected and I have no way of expressing that to him that he will understand and believe.
I don't even know how it go so infrequent. I enjoyed sex with my H. Desired it. Did we just get too familiar/routine/working too much??? I had been missing the sex recently as well. We had date night and he passed out on the way home. H is always so sleep deprived. I would have pushed harder had I know he was going to be leaving the M.
May - My H's love language is also physical touch... hand holding, PDA, just all around general touching. I'm acts of service. I spent so much time saying - Yes, But I do X, Y, Z (because that is I show love) but to him I was dismissive of his feelings and needs. I see that now. I would never do another Yes, But argument EVER.
For all my realizations ultimately don't matter. Whether or not he comes back is completely up to him. I have to look at he is in a PA with someone that is nuts about him. He is getting his needs fulfilled.
Stolen from Steve85 from May's thread
Quote
You have to prepare yourself for the worst because unfortunately, even with exceptional DBing, the odds are against you. As another marriage saving expert puts it: you can't fix in a few weeks or months what it took you years to get into. The simple truth is that if the WAS wants to leave, get a D, and move on...they will.
This is where my H is at... he wants to rip off the bandage and move on to start a new story. That's less painful than trying to fix ours.
I've got to wrap my head around that and stop making the same mistakes... I will keep reading.
