I don't want a divorce II ---- NEW THREAD Part 4

[KitCat]

It makes me feel like there is nothing special about me. Nothing worth that he would ever give a second thought that I really miss this girl.

Casting you as a Villain in his story makes it easier to live with his choices.

not keeping up with him on diamond head... 4yr ago???

"Diamond Head Summit Trail" - 1.6-1.8mi, 250-450' elevation gain. Reviews say short and easy EXCEPT the steps which are described as challenging. Can't imagine your going "slowly" or "quickly" on such a short trail would make or break his day--we're talking 20min (fast) vs. 60min (slow). Slower company means more time to savor views and wildflowers. I hike daily and wouldn't care unless you asked me to wait for you.

Silly excuses.

I did the hike... there was a lot of uneven ground. I am 3 yr older and have the shortest legs of my family. I only requested one break at a look out point. Of course my kids being young ran up the trail... I made it!!! But even if I was fit and was minus the 30lb. I've always had challenges with elevation hikes even when I was more fit.

It seems stupid to bring it up now.

And, it almost seems like he is angry and I am working out - I had let myself go and got frustrated. I thought he deserved a wife with a smokin' hot bod... I just turned inward when I couldn't be what I thought I should be for him... and he took that as the biggest rejection and I lost feelings for him.

Will he get past this??? Will he with enough space and time think more kindly toward me and what we had?

[Ready2Change]

You are the reason he failed a test in middle school. They will blame you for everything

You are too focused on his emotional responses. Let him be angry...or whatever....emotions are a good sign. When they are emotionless, then they are detached. You need to get to detached first... He had a head start....you know you need to pass him.

[KitCat]

You are the reason he failed a test in middle school. They will blame you for everything

You are too focused on his emotional responses. Let him be angry...or whatever....emotions are a good sign. When they are emotionless, then they are detached. You need to get to detached first... He had a head start....you know you need to pass him.

So the fact that he is angry... writing me longer texts than he has in a long time... getting frustrated with me... getting annoyed that I would suggest he would bring her to my home... Him being emotional right now is a good sign???

He is very good at acting detached when he is in my presence. His face is blank but that didn't stop him from coming to find me before he left for work... to see what I was doing... it didn't stop him from several times trying to get onto my FB account.

I know I need to stop caring and detach. I was doing GREAT yesterday. I even didn't respond to HIS text. then suddenly in the early am hours my lack of sleep and emotions got the best of me..

I really can't believe he responded at all and usually it just a one liner... he really was angry enough to give a details.. and then he said he had to get back to work and then continued to text me.

Later he starts texting about a credit card he needs to pay and asking me about. I'm tyring to help and just end up apologizing which isn't what he wants to hear. I can tell in his voice he isn't just annoyed... he is angry.

I followed up with information he had asked me for... and I asked if there was any way he could pay the bill in full. He is hiding money and not wanting to cover expenses as I'm sure that is more money for his A.

[Traveler]

Him being emotional right now is a good sign???

It's better than apathy. Anger is a form of attachment. It's why I've been letting go of anger towards my ex. As I do so, I feel less and less attached to her.

[Ready2Change]

The only way I ever got the truth out of my X was to stir her emotions until she couldn't hold it in.

[KitCat]

Him being emotional right now is a good sign???

It's better than apathy. Anger is a form of attachment. It's why I've been letting go of anger towards my ex. As I do so, I feel less and less attached to her.

Hmmm... his interactions over text certainly display some type of anger/frustration and I got that over the phone.

In person he is cold and business like. Even when he knows I need to call he answers slowly with a quiet suppressed "yes".

Maybe he is more detached and I'm just reading too much into the texts. Frankly he didn't need to say all that today - he could have ignored or simply said OK. He texted a lot back.

I realize that my saying "my fishing boat" and "my motorcycle" was probably laying claim to him which he did not like especially if he is convincing himself I didn't like to fish or ask to fish... I didn't take a lot of motorcycle trips with him. I was reluctant to drive on the highway with him.

IDK --- I need to get home tonight and work up a sweat and soak in the tub. I have the place to myself for at least 2 days and after today maybe longer. I suspect he is working tonight but I do not know for sure.

[KitCat]

The only way I ever got the truth out of my X was to stir her emotions until she couldn't hold it in.

So am I getting the truth out of him or is he still in the rewritting history phase??? Is he letting down a wall here and there because I am getting more lengthy text messages?

I'm sure he an OW are having a laugh at my claim to his boat and motorocycle... he bought those things with me and for me.

[Ready2Change]

So am I getting the truth out of him or is he still in the rewritting history phase??? Is he letting down a wall here and there because I am getting more lengthy text messages?

Who knows, who cares. My point was getting you to the point of not letting his emotions effect your behavior. Let him be emotional. You control yours while in his presence. Let yours out where it is safe. IC, private, here, anywhere that is safe.

HUGS

[KitCat]

Ok - I know the reason is not happy about text messages today.

He feels that they are controlling. I'm telling him what to do - it's my fishing boat, its my motorcycle, don't have her at my house.

He reacted and texted because I am trying to control him.

Why can't I think of this when its 4am and I am waffling on what to say, how to say, do I say when I know in my head when in doubt do nothing... I didn't know for sure what to do... I was struggling and wondering why he questioned me 2 days ago "that I was still going right" in regards to my trip... it made me stress as one of his goals was to hurt me like I had hurt him.

I cannot undue it... it would be terribly stupid for me to text... sorry about the texts I'm sure that came across as controlling.. not a big deal... LAME

[may22]

Hi KC,

Just wanted to pipe in and say a few things-- one, you are getting amazing advice from vets-- you're really fortunate to have them so invested-- I would read, read, re-read everything they say. Steve85 really helped me in my sitch and I have probably read Blu's posts to me one hundred times, no exaggeration. I copied and pasted parts onto my phone so I could read over and over when I really needed it. I would do the same.

Three, STOP ENGAGING. It is not helpful. Give yourself a break of a couple of days. Make a rule that you don't respond to texts for x number of hours, don't answer his calls, and don't call back within x number of hours. That gives you some time to decide if a response is even necessary. Watch your heart rate. I have my heart rate displayed on my apple watch and I seriously watch it and didn't engage if it was elevated at all. You can set his calls and texts to have no alert on your phone so you only see them come in when you actively check for them, and you can only do it when you're feeling calm.

And finally--stop worrying about what you have or haven't done to date, DBing or not DBing, working out or not or whatever. Forgive yourself! This is NOT ON YOU!!!! Dust yourself off and go forward from here. You can do it.

HUGS