On the way home from bday dinner for D16 a song called What You Did by Mahalia came on the radio. It's about a cheating lover and how she wishes she could forgive him but she'd never expect any one to forgive her for that behavior so he just needs to go. 2 seconds in H says he loves the song and turns it up. 20 seconds in he realizes how on the nose the lyrics are, and turns it down and starts cracking jokes about how he doesn't really like the song, the vocals are nice but the lyrics are crap, I turn it up and say I love it the lyrics are amazing. We go back and forth like that a while laughing our butts off with the girls int he back ear buds in completely ignoring us as teenagers do. I, we, what ever are a hot mess. And about as classless as people can get at this point.
I have read in a LOT of places that the ability to laugh together and find humor in the situation is a very significant predictor of couples who make it. The one thing my coach has said over and over is that Gottman says a strong friendship is the most important ingredient, water the roots of the friendship, it needs to grow strong again before you can take the fruit (romance). My H has joked about it too (came across of list of personal values I was working on and said he didn't need to look at it, his only value was integrity and we both cracked up). Again, from a zen point of view-- be in the moment, laugh when you can. It is good for your body and your mind, even if you're crying in the shower later on. And just keep those reality TV cameras out of your private spaces where you can scream and cry all you want, then look like a boss-- cool, calm, collected, graceful, positive, DGAF-- when you're around him and the cameras are on. Maybe that is a way to help maintain? Imagine there are cameras recording your life story?
Hang in there!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
