Right now I’m torn between “not doing the heavy lifting” as far as working with mediator, real estate agent, etc. and moving things along so W clearly sees I’m letting her go.
From what I’ve read here, it seems like the LBS ends up with a D more often than not when they focus on themself and wait for W/MLCW to file their paperwork etc. Why waste time (aside from GAL, working on myself of course) waiting for the inevitable when I will never be more attractive than when I’m walking away?
As stated above, I don’t necessarily want D, but it seems inevitable at some point.
Right now I’m torn between “not doing the heavy lifting” as far as working with mediator, real estate agent, etc. and moving things along so W clearly sees I’m letting her go.
When it comes to the selling of your house/property and other legally binding issues that directly affect your life, you should be represented and/or make sure you are treated fair/equally.
Has a mediator set an appointment to meet.........or do you mean you've told your W you wouldn't agree to see a mediator?
There is an old saying, "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Right now I’m torn between “not doing the heavy lifting” as far as working with mediator, real estate agent, etc. and moving things along so W clearly sees I’m letting her go.
From what I’ve read here, it seems like the LBS ends up with a D more often than not when they focus on themself and wait for W/MLCW to file their paperwork etc. Why waste time (aside from GAL, working on myself of course) waiting for the inevitable when I will never be more attractive than when I’m walking away?
As stated above, I don’t necessarily want D, but it seems inevitable at some point.
Thoughts appreciated!
Are you ready to D? If yes, then go file. If not, then don't. Do not file for D for any other reason than you are ready to D and move on with the rest of your life. Do not do it to manipulate your W to come back. That backfires 99.9999999999% of the time.
9 times out of 10 the LBS ends up with a D because they decide it is time to move on and file and/or move the D forward. WASs are notoriously lazy when it comes to D.
So when you are ready to be D'd, then take over the heavy lifting and do it. Until then, DB your tail off.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We retained a mediator and had an initial meeting 5 weeks ago. He sent us i]a list of info he needed us to send him so he can begin his work and schedule another meeting with us. My wife hasn't sent anything as of yet. I have begun gathering necessary docs and sent some info along to the mediator.
We met with a realtor in early January, but there has been no follow-up from W wanting to get the home listed. If we are going to move forward and maximize price, now is the time to move and list our property.
Aside from these two things, I have noticed W reconnecting a bit with the kids and generally being more talkative with me (small talk), and I've seen glimpses of her "old self." She is also dealing with her unresolved issues from her adoption, and for the first time, mentioned to me that she was talking about this with her IC.
So, do I sit back, DB and hope for the best, or move forward to make sure I get the best financial deal possible out of this?
My wife hasn't sent anything as of yet. I have begun gathering necessary docs and sent some info along to the mediator.
If you don't want the D then do continue to prepare your part of it so you're ready if it's needed, but don't pressure W or even ask her about her part.
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We met with a realtor in early January, but there has been no follow-up from W wanting to get the home listed. If we are going to move forward and maximize price, now is the time to move and list our property.
Again if you don't want to D, then leave this be. You might be tempted to point out to her that now is the time to sell. Don't.
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Aside from these two things, I have noticed W reconnecting a bit with the kids and generally being more talkative with me (small talk), and I've seen glimpses of her "old self." She is also dealing with her unresolved issues from her adoption, and for the first time, mentioned to me that she was talking about this with her IC.
All good signs. I can't remember if this is in Michele's book or if one of the vets used to post it, but WAS's detach in this order- spouse first, kids second, family third, friends fourth. They reattach in reverse order. So you might want to give things more time to see where this is going (again- if that's what you want).
Since BD 8 months ago, I've been focused on working out, GAL and becoming AMOAFWL.
When this all started, W had to go on anti anxiety meds just to be in the same room as me. We separated (though I see her daily as she runs a biz out of the house). Since that time, she has weaned off the meds completely. She still seems to want to D, and we've retained a mediator, but she speaks about it very infrequently. I just go about my business, act indifferently, and listen and validate as best as possible when she speaks to me.
It is difficult to tell where she's going or what's going on in her head, so I heed the advice of many here and don't waste much time trying to figure that stuff out.
She just walked into the room and told me she's going to a concert next week, and told me the names of those she was going with. Seems very odd behavior for someone who wants to terminate a relationship and D, but I just listened intently, wished her a good time, and went about my day.
Trying to figure out the WAS mind is like chasing pots of gold at the end of rainbows. (HINT: You won't find what you are looking for.) Just keep DBing! You are doing great.
Likely if you weren't DBing she would be pushing forward with the D.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She just walked into the room and told me she's going to a concert next week, and told me the names of those she was going with. Seems very odd behavior for someone who wants to terminate a relationship and D, but I just listened intently, wished her a good time, and went about my day.
Nope, not odd behavior at all. It is all from the script. She is blowing smoke up your arse so you'd stop asking questions.
