As far as me asking her if she wanted to go on meds, I was only suggesting for a little while. She was going through depression and I was telling her to maybe take them to take the edge off. I did t know what else to suggest at the time.
I know you were just trying to help. Your heart was in the right place. I'm just trying to say that from her perspective it probably looked like you were calling her "crazy". After BD my XW told me two or three times that I needed help and needed to be in therapy. The same week my daughter told me the same thing (both said it in anger). Whatever their reasons were for saying this, it felt like a personal attack and all it did was make me defensive and put my walls up even higher.
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I realize now I should have just been there for her more. Right by her side and just trying to talk to her more. She refused any advice I would give. And now being here, I shouldn’t have given advice I should have just loved her more and been more supportive.
Yes, exactly! Most of us guys are fix-it types. The world is full of nails and we're holding golden hammers. But sometimes women don't want us fixing their problems, they just want us to listen and support and validate. If you had done that then she may have very well come to the conclusion that she needed help on her own. Obviously we can't change the past but we can learn from it.
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Honestly I am so tired and I guess still in a little shock this is how my life turned out. But I am moving forward. I am very happy with GF. We have a great relationship. It truly doesn’t bother me that ex has moved on. I just have to work on that relationship with my d.
It's been around 8 years for me. It took about 2 years before I could look back without being really upset. And what I see in looking back just doesn't make sense. It may not have been a perfect marriage but it was really, really good. It was mutually beneficial. We did things together, we did things separate. It was a very stable, healthy home for us and for our kids. So yeah, I'm not sure I'll ever get over the shock and you may not either. That's not to say you won't get past the pain though, you will. And you'll find happiness again for sure.
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Another Stander do you think I should read that book about teens? I need help there and want to be proactive.
I definitely recommend it. It helped with all 3 of my kids. I might have made it sound like it excuses their behavior, but that's not it, it just explains their behavior and also delves into how to address it as a parent in a loving but firm manner.
