My coach said that I need to start to talk about separation now, prior to the divorce. And that I need to work to read the co-parenting book and share something’s that I’m learning.
Arguably that blew up tonight.
Yeah that was a HUGE mistake. Like LH said, she ALREADY sees you as controlling and manipulating, so what is she going to think about you telling her the two of you need to S before D? More control and manipulation. BACK OFF!!!!!! I don't know how you could have missed this here and in the book but you've got to give her time and space and leave her the H alone. That means letting HER drive the entire D process. If she needs something from you then you provide it, period. That's all you do.
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I referenced a book that talked about how living in two homes negatively impacts kids
That's more manipulation on your part. You can't "nice" her back, you can't "mean" her back, you can't "reason" her back and you can't "negotiate" her back. Leave her be.
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She said we could talk about it one night this weekend and that she needed to go to bed, then she walked off.
That is EXACTLY what YOU should be doing! She approaches you about D terms you tell her you need time to think about it and then you leave the room.
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She continues to throw mixed signals
Agree with LH on this too, there are no mixed signals here.
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My heart breaks for my kids, this is such selfish behavior and juvenile.
I don't know your full history but if you really have been controlling and manipulative throughout the M then she's just trying to escape a toxic situation.
Originally Posted by Vapo
Dude, the EA was not the culprit. EA was a symptom.
Exactly. The EA was her way of escaping what she sees as a toxic R. Believing the EA is the reason for everything gives you a pass on the hard work that you need to do on yourself.
