Today is such a hard day

[oceangrl]

My H is freezing me out. He hasn't been calling at night anymore. I don't know why, but I am so shocked by it. And then I am shocked that I am shocked. When he comes back in town he will spend time with the kids while ignoring me except for asking about dinner, etc. I hate that and I am ready to kick his butt out over the way he has been treating me.

Here's the irony. We had a conversation about his business. it's not doing well. He is not sure if he can get paid this month. We have gone through our savings. The dude is freezing me out to divorce me. I have no idea how he thinks he can afford a divorce or child support/alimony. We've been married almost 25 years. He travels often so I would think that would affect it. He seems to believe that I will accept whatever he proposes for divorce/child sharing/etc and we won't need lawyers. Okay, buddy.

Sorry, I'm just mad tonight. And hurt. I am becoming more and more unattracted to him due to his behavior. I cannot believe this is where I am in life. I know I will be okay, I just know there is a lot of hell to go through before I get there. And broken-hearted children. I did well today, but I did surprise myself by crying in the shower. Sometimes I feel the sadness of it all so much. And knowing he is not feeling it is another sad thing. He believes it will be easy divorce and then bam -- he will find Miss Wonderful. Who knows, maybe he will.