Husband Living a Double Life

[oceangrl]

Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement. I have an appointment scheduled with a good attorney next Wednesday. I need to study up on what questions to ask, etc. I'm not going to make any decisions right away. It's only a consultation. I have my first IC appointment tomorrow morning. We'll see how that goes.

My H has only contacted me once and it was about finances. I thought he might at least apologize for the pain he has caused. I know I shouldn't expect anything from him. He's a different person now. My D22 reached out to him and he hasn't even apologized to her. His only statement was "I'm sorry if you are not happy with my choice". She asked him the age of the OW and he told her he had to go take a shower and never replied. What a d*#k. He's so defensive. Takes no personal responsibility. He even tried to deny the OW when I was looking right at the evidence.

I know this is a terrible thing to admit, but I want him to feel the same type of pain that he has inflicted on our family. I want him to feel scared, lonely and sad. Instead he is in full fantasy mode - looking for his own place and planning his new life without us, without me.

Again, thank you.

I have been there. My H cheated on me for two years with a good friend of mine. Let me tell you something, your H is in the a&&hole phase. That's what living a double life with no integrity does to you. It literally changes who you are. In order for someone to keep living a life like that, they have to change their values and who they are or they couldn't survive. They become incredibly selfish.

You, on the other hand, will go through trauma, probable PTSD, and heartache. I know this. I went through it. But you will find a strength you never knew you had. You will find a love for yourself that you didn't have. You will understand happiness. Having IC is the first best step. I am three years out, and while my H is still a selfish dbag, I am grateful for who I am now and so many people in my life. The worst of it has passed. Because of my work, I know I can find someone better at some point.

Many who cheat do hit the bottom and regret it terribly. I know some of them. They are better people now. But the ones who don't do the work, like my H, I believe down the road they will regret it. In this life or the next. I hope to see it.