So much has been happening. Definitely mixed signals and i have to remind myself that I need to believe none of what she says and only half of what I see.
My coach said that I need to start to talk about separation now, prior to the divorce. And that I need to work to read the co-parenting book and share something’s that I’m learning.
Arguably that blew up tonight.
After the kids went to bed I was reading the coparenting book and she came down. I asked her if she had read to a point in the book where they discuss schedules for the kids. 7-7 or 3-2-2. She said that wasn’t in there. I referenced a book that talked about how living in two homes negatively impacts kids and how I thought limiting transitions might help them. She said a week is long time to go without seeing them.
I asked if she had thought more about separation and she got defensive and angry fast. I think she thought I meant separation as opposed to divorce because she said she didn’t want to discuss it at this time with her big day tomorrow. I apologized and just said that it was hard for me not to talk and think about the future when I read this book.
She said I wasn’t going to change her mind and i wasn’t going to manipulate her again like i always do. She said she’s stayed together for the last 4 years for the kids and she’s done. I again apologized.
She then followed up on it and asked again what i meant by separation and I told her that I was thinking this was something we should get figured out sooner than later and asked if we should do it before the divorce to get them used to seeing each of us alone. I think maybe at that point she understood that I wasn’t saying that I was trying to halt the divorce. She said we could talk about it one night this weekend and that she needed to go to bed, then she walked off.
She continues to throw mixed signals but she is not backing down and I don’t think she will. She believes that I am controlling and she is asserting herself. This will have to run its course, we will have to separate and go down the path towards divorce, maybe she’ll come to her senses before it’s final.
The more I think about the whole situation the more I think the EA was the culprit. It made her feel alive and excited; she’s looking for that high again. My heart breaks for my kids, this is such selfish behavior and juvenile. It’s very sad.
