Some friends sent out a group text, W and I were both in it, inviting us out to a group couples dinner. I hadn’t responded. But, W replied back saying “We don’t have a babysitter for our kids that night. But, H can go and I will watch the kids.” We never even discussed this as an option. Nor did we even have any conversation at all about going out.
I was a bit offended that she spoke for both of us, and put me in mildly awkward position. I didn’t say anything to her, nor did I reply to the text. (this group of friends does know we are not in a good place right now) I wasn’t really excited about going to this anyway. It just seems really fake. We’d probably individually enjoy ourselves with our friends, but it is awkward being out together in a situation like this.
Later, I was out at the gym, and she sent me a message that she reached out to our friends we carpool with and told her that we’d bring her D to swim practice. Both of our families’ Ds do this together and we alternate transport to practice every week. I was actually hoping to take them this time. But, I didn’t get the chance to put that offer up. I replied back to my W, “I was going to offer this week. But, that’s fine, you can take them.” W did not reply.
Today, my youngest D7 had a small play at school. I wfh and W went into office. We never discussed how we’d go to the school – either separately or together. I was planning to walk there – it’s really close to home. W texted me right as I was walking out the door, and said she was planning to go to school directly from work, unless I wanted to be picked up. I just replied, “no, I’m good, going to walk there.” No reply from W.
Met her at the play and we were pleasant together. I chose a spot for us to sit, and as she usually does, second guessed my seating choice (in a pleasant way), but didn’t make an issue out of it, and we sat down. Great show, D7 was super happy. After, we met up in D’s classroom and was allowed to bring her home.
I asked D if she wanted to walk back, and she did. W drove back home. As we were walking out, I asked my D if she wanted me to grill her something for lunch. She laughed and said “I already ate lunch.” And, my W, laughed and commented in a smuggish manner, “it’s 2 pm, she ate hours ago. It’s too late for lunch.” I made a joke about my habit of eating late lunches, and just said, “well, I can also grill you something anyway, it’s really nice out today.” I’ve just gotten better at stifling my negative reactions to my wife's endless snipes.
Another similar example was the night before, I opened up the dishwasher to unload it as I ran it that morning. W saw me and said, “I’m running it again tonight, I was surprised you ran it when it wasn’t even full yet.” (Meanwhile, she’s done this many times over the years.) I made no comment back and just moved on.
I could probably write a small book on how many different ways my W has disapproved of me using the dishwasher – loading, unloading, running, etc. In the past, I used to react immediately to her passive-aggressive comments on it or watching her actually reload dishes "the right way" immediately after I load them, but I’ve been much more self-aware recently and tend to just nod or say okay, and move on. But, the constant petty judgments still gets under my skin.
M: 40s W: 40s 2 Ds PA suspected Summer 2019 / assumed still ongoing BD: Fall 2019
