Journaling: --------------- Therpist meeting went really well. Therpist agreed to meet with my daughter this weekend in a special session. She stated the sitch was showing some signs of Parental Alientation Syndrome. I emailed my WAS a consent form to have my D15 interviewed and she agreed to it. I felt I clicked really good when I left therapy.
I got home after and just felt worse and worse. I finally felt isolated and in the abyss. It was like an elephant was sitting on me. After a while, I got up and went on a run. Came home and started feeling worse...went for a haircut and made a good lasagna at home. I just felt all of these crazy emotions - isolation, anger towards my WAS for all of this, thinking I'd never meet anyone again, sadness, just crushing sadness. I ended up cleaning all of the garbage out of my D15's room and laundering her bedding. Her room looked a world better when I was done. That "friend girl" (not girlfriend, LH19 ) called and inited me over, I respectfully declined. For once, i didn't reach out for an emotional life raft in a female! I just needed to spend time in the abyss.
Tonight I am writing a letter to the ex and not sending it. i am going to CrossFit. I am going to my son's gym meet on Saturday and taking pictures in hopes of getting a top notch one to enlarge. I have 3 firemen constantly in touch with me to make sure I don't jump off a cliff, as I've been having moments where I wanna do just that. I will go to church on Sunday.
I'm determined to show my family that the love of my kids in persistent, unconditional and cannot wait to be avalanched onto the kids when they feel the time is right. All of this is for them....my wants and needs matter not.
